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Review #4710589
Viewing a review of:
 Bard's Alternate Reality  [E]
August Sci-Fi
by WriterRick
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Angel&Witch


Hello there, WriterRick
This is a
GROUP
The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review! *Angelic*

I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"  Thank you for entering our August Alternate Reality contest! *Bigsmile*

Initial Impressions:

Wow, The Bard's Alternate Reality. You got my attention. Now I need to find what this contest has to do with it. Good way to hook in the judges! *Ha*

Further Thoughts:

I like this descriptive passage. *Down*


"Crystaline (Crystalline)cities stretch towards the sky, adorned with iridescent flora that glow like stars. Yet, beneath this surface beauty simmers an undercurrent of danger."

Strong words that make me picture crystals sparkling and iridescence glowing, yet with such beauty to the eyes there is an undercurrent of danger. *Scared*

See below:

Observations/Suggestions:

The above description only takes the reader so far. You want to pull your reader into the alternate reality, to experience the crystalline cities as if ambling through it. I as a reader want to have the hair tingling as I approach the danger. The reader wants to see and feel all the emotions that a simple passage above describes but leaves us wanting for more.

"The player's journey is a rollercoaster of emotions and challenges that tests their wit, resilience, and adaptability. In the face of uncertainty, they form unlikely alliances and uncover hidden strengths within themselves. Take us through those challenges, let us feel the player's emotions from what he as well as the reader should experience reading it.

Suggestions:

You have a lovely way with words. They are pleasing to "hear" while reading them. That's a wonderful talent. I only suggest you use that talent to bring your story alive.

The Prompt states: A “Player” is enjoying the challenges in a virtual reality game. And, AI takes over and entraps the player in “its” alternate world. And, Be descriptive as to the character (the player) And any characters met in the “new world.”

That was not done here. There was no character that the reader could relate to on this amazing, yet scary journey, just a narration about.

Parting Thoughts:

As I stated above, you have a fine way with words. You can weave a wonderful story by applying a more active voice and by pulling your reader into the sights and sounds and scents that are experienced in life. A story is a way to make the reader picture themselves right there into the scenarios created.

Conclusion:

Using some of the suggested tools, you will create some fabulous entries for various contests. *Delight* I hope to see more of your entries in The Bard's Hall contests.

Enjoy the WDC 23rd birthday festivities! *Party*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*












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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/06/2023 @ 10:00am EDT
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