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Review #4710462
Viewing a review of:
 Steamy Showers Open in new Window. [XGC]
Izzy invites her date into her apartment to find the AC broken
by MidnightStalker Author Icon
Review of Steamy Showers  Open in new Window.
Review by Bikerider Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: XGC | (4.5)
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Item Reviewed: "Steamy Showers" Open in new Window.

Author: MidnightStalker Author Icon

Reviewer: Bikerider Author Icon}

I have reviewed this item as if it were my own, taking into consideration what I would want to know. I hope you find my comments helpful.

Please use this link to see how I rate an item."Comment-In-A-Box" Open in new Window.


First impression: Interesting, well-written story. The scene is hot and maintains its tastefulness. Well done.

Characters: Both characters are realistic and the actions you gave them brought them to life.

Dialogue: The dialogue is appropriate to the story.

Items for your further consideration:

1. He stepped down from the short stepladder, his torso glistened from sweat, “A cold shower sounds good to me.” his eyes glinting. In the sentences prior to this one, you didn't mention that Jim climbed a ladder, especially since just prior to this Izzy handed him a glass of water.

2. He span her round, drenched hair flying out to slap him in the face. This is a great description, but did you mean 'he spun her around?'

3. The fact that Izzy was pressed against the glass shower door made me cringe. The obvious machinations of having sex would, I think, make that a bit dangerous. While it's not wrong so no points will be taken away, it is something to consider, especially there are nice cool wall tiles that might be more comfortable and less hazardous.

Final Thoughts: many erotica authors overdo the sex, almost like they're going for shock value rather than being realistic, but yours is well done. You describe the scene well without letting it take up the entire story. The fact that the characters have obviously been together before makes their quick decision to take a shower together realistic.

Interesting and hot story. Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie contest and for sharing your writing.

Bikerider






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