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Review #4710425
Viewing a review of:
Becca Beats Virtual Quest  [E]
Becca is sucked into the game as she approaches the high score.
by Joseph
Review by SpookyBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Becca is determined to beat a virtual game.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending and the message the story had to share. There is more to gaming, and even virtual gaming. Life is the ultimate game and there is a world out there to explore beyond a screen.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Becca. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There is no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. My constructive suggestion would be make me feel like I'm in the game with Becca. Tap into the five senses. Does the game smell? What is the forest like? Do the birds chirp in the forest? By using a good economy of words, you can write a sentence that taps into one of the senses and put the reader in the game with Becca.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader. By setting the virtual reality game in the near future, this will allow the reader's imagination to take off.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Becca

Becca lives for the game, but soon discovers there's something more. The ending allowing for character growth. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. My constructive suggestion in this area would be to use WDC ML to make the story easier to read for the reader. I would space between each paragraph and maybe consider increasing the font to 3.5 or even changing the font to another type.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening draws the reader in. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.


Glowing Steph
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