Hi Naomi ;

Good morning. I popped in to Read & Review and your documentary piece came up. So here I am. I am making a few suggestions. Please keep in mind this is my opinion and the piece is ultimately yours.

I love the words written on your brother's frame. I appreciate the all caps.
One Suggestion would be to center it so that it stands out even more.

Another Suggestion would be to space out your paragraphs to give more white space and make it easier to read. There are a few spots where your sentence breaks and drops to the line below. It would be smoother to eliminate those spots. I noticed three times where that happened.

My third suggestion would be to check out your punctuation. I noticed a few times where commas were placed in spots not really needed. This sentence could be made smoother by breaking it up into two sentences.
"This
youngest brother graduated as a Teacher, passed the National Exam as the. Country's Topnocher."

Something like this:
This youngest brother graduated as a Teacher. He passed the National Exam as the Country's Topnocher.

I've never heard of a 'topnotcher' before, but I am guessing he excelled and was ranked among the top ten... or higher.

To be a bit more personal, I would love to know your brother's name instead of simply saying 'my youngest brother'. I'd also be curious to know the names of your other brothers.

Thank you for writing and sharing this. You are a proud sister. You are fabulous too, don't forget that. I was getting vibes of 'boys are important, girls aren't', but then I tend to be more sensitive to that kind of thing.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .