Well written, but not my cup of tea.

You moved the reader quickly and seamlessly through your story. As I started reading the third paragraph I paused and said to myself, I know where this is going . . . and it did go exactly where I thought it was going.

First suggestion: Give a warning as to the nature of your piece. Simply informing the reader that the piece is dark would suffice.

Suggestions #2: Add it to the dark genre, and perhaps the death genre, too. You'll get more exposure, and people who like this type of prose will more readily find it.

I dung you 1/2 a star because I feel strongly about warnings when the content is dark.

Live and write passionately,
Cyndee

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .