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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4709803
Review #4709803
Viewing a review of:
 Bottles Open in new Window. [E]
Poem of bottles in comparison to life itself.
by AJblurryface Author Icon
Review of Bottles  Open in new Window.
Review by 👼intuey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello AJblurryface Author IconHappy 23rd WDC Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" Open in new Window. [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Quite a deep, poignant poem. I like your analogies.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - The title is straight to the point, and fits the writing well. The description drew me in and made me want to read on.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The comparison of how life can make one feel like an empty, discarded water bottle. That even a water bottle deserves to be recycled and made into something useful-- how much more should a human feel fulfilled?

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- I really like the creativity and originality of this piece. Nicely done! *Smile*

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - It left this reader with a strong emotional impact. I reread it a couple of times. It left me agreeing but also feeling for the author.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I see you have emotional for your genre. That's good. It is an emotional piece. But you should fill out your other two genres as well. Maybe: Personal, Experience, or Drama. The more you have filled out the more people will find your writing. Some people only search for certain genres.

I would split your stanzas up. I think that would help the piece read more smoothly, but also with even more impact.

*Penp* Sometimes life is as empty

Try: Sometimes life feels empty...

The only other suggestion is you need a comma after the word, 'Oh,' in:
Oh how beautiful.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -

The ocean,
Oh how beautiful.
When the sun shines off the surface,
Happiness.
Yet the sun doesn't shine forever,
even on the ocean.

Nice! I love that! *Delight*

*Peng*Summary: Thank you for sharing your writing with us. I truly enjoyed it!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

A signature for WDC Angel Army

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/02/2023 @ 5:07pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4709803