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Review #4709803
Viewing a review of:
 Bottles Open in new Window. [E]
Poem of bottles in comparison to life itself.
by AJblurryface Author Icon
Review of Bottles  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello AJblurryface Author IconHappy 23rd WDC Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" Open in new Window. [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Quite a deep, poignant poem. I like your analogies.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - The title is straight to the point, and fits the writing well. The description drew me in and made me want to read on.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The comparison of how life can make one feel like an empty, discarded water bottle. That even a water bottle deserves to be recycled and made into something useful-- how much more should a human feel fulfilled?

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- I really like the creativity and originality of this piece. Nicely done! *Smile*

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - It left this reader with a strong emotional impact. I reread it a couple of times. It left me agreeing but also feeling for the author.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I see you have emotional for your genre. That's good. It is an emotional piece. But you should fill out your other two genres as well. Maybe: Personal, Experience, or Drama. The more you have filled out the more people will find your writing. Some people only search for certain genres.

I would split your stanzas up. I think that would help the piece read more smoothly, but also with even more impact.

*Penp* Sometimes life is as empty

Try: Sometimes life feels empty...

The only other suggestion is you need a comma after the word, 'Oh,' in:
Oh how beautiful.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -

The ocean,
Oh how beautiful.
When the sun shines off the surface,
Happiness.
Yet the sun doesn't shine forever,
even on the ocean.

Nice! I love that! *Delight*

*Peng*Summary: Thank you for sharing your writing with us. I truly enjoyed it!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/02/2023 @ 5:07pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4709803