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Given: Sep 2, 2023 at 12:30pm
Length: 2,379 Characters |
1,916 w/o WritingML
Hello Monalisa Vandercox Happy WDC 23rd Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.
I enjoyed reading your poem. I know the feeling all too well. I hope happiness has found you again, if not, hopefully, it will soon.
Title and Description - Good title. It pulled me in to want to read further. The description is also good and urged me to read on.
I wonder though: Isn't depression a form of being stuck in the past? When we're healthy in mind, we don't really want to move backward. Just my thoughts.
Theme/Subject Matter:- About a woman who once lived each day happy but is now finding it hard to find joy in life. To find any meaning.
Originality/Creativity:- You did a good job showing the juxtaposing sides of life and our emotions.
Emotion/Impact: - The emotional impact was strong and left me feeling sad for the writer. Hoping that if she hasn't already that soon happiness and smiles will find her once again.
My Suggestions - Please know these are only my suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.
My heart is broken
All my scars are open
All I had is gone now
Impossible to go back to to before
I think your poem is good but may read smoother with just changing a few words around.
My heart has been broken
My scars have busted open.
All I had is now gone,
It's impossible to go back.
Love filled my soul
All things seemed possible then
Now I have broken trust
Empty promises
I don't feel my worth
All I see is hidden now
Now my trust is broken
What I see is now hidden.
I am feeling everything at once
I feel everything at once.
Summary: I truly enjoyed reading your piece. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!
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