Hello Unknown Icarus and welcome to Writing.com!

Oh My Goodness, this poem is quite the roller coaster ride. It popped up randomly on the read and review page so I thought I'd have a look.

This piece seems to be emotionally raw in places, written from a dark place inside of you. It's my experience that writing your emotions like this can be very healing. I hope that's the case for you.

Your poem is quite effective the way it is, but as time moves forward, there may come a time when you might want to tweak it, sharpen it or polish it and I offer a few suggestions in good spirit, to take or disregard.

First off, I think your title could be stronger. Something more emotional to grab the interest of a potential reader. Maybe you could pull a word or two from your poem to use.

"Today at 4:02pm
As I laid in bed, trying to sleep
instead of studying,
I got accepted into one of my top college choices."

Did you receive word of acceptance via an e-mail? To me trying to sleep would mean you were laying there, eyes shut, not necessarily on your laptop. This could be clarified a bit. I do like the reference of bed and sleeping though ... kind of makes the depression seem more real. Maybe you heard your e-mail ping?

"I jumped from the blankets
And ran
Into the living room
To show my parents"
I think this could be tightened up to: "I ran to show my parents.


This next part shows your relationship with your parents. It starts to become emotional... the not believing their feelings are real. It becomes clear as to why later on.

They were happy
They were excited
They were elated
Were they proud?
I can't say
It felt Here maybe "I felt"?
Like they didn't
Believe
That I had
Did it. Done?

Now I am sitting
In my closet
With the lights off
crying.
Because it feels
Like I did not earn this.
Like something I did to get here
Wasn't real... Awww. This part really gets to me.

The whole last section of your poem is strong. I like it the way it is and wouldn't change a thing!

Please remember any thoughts or suggestions in this review are based only on my opinion. Best wishes with your writing.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .