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Review #4709506
Viewing a review of:
 
Let It Grow Open in new Window. [13+]
Winning back a lady's heart
by Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏 Author Icon
Review of Let It Grow  Open in new Window.
Review by Bikerider Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Item Reviewed: "Let It Grow" Open in new Window.

Author: Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏 Author Icon

Reviewer: Bikerider Author Icon}

I have reviewed this item as if it were my own, taking into consideration what I would want to know. I hope you find my comments helpful.

Please use this link to see how I rate an item."Comment-In-A-Box" Open in new Window.


First Impression: I love this story. The descriptions are vivid, and the dialogue and the syntax fits the story perfectly.

Characters: You've done a great job showing the reader not only the characters, but also their emotions. Showing a character's emotions is not an easy task, but you accomplished it well.

Fiona: (one of my favorite names). You show her cautious about showing her feelings for Joseph. You explain this by giving the reader a bit of information about her past unrequited love, which makes her real. Her actions and dialogue bring her to life.

Lorena: it's obvious that she's a good friend of Fiona. She tries to convince Fiona that Joseph's actions are honorable, but doesn't have much success. I like that it is Lorena that comes to Lorena to tell her about Joseph's illness.

Paul: this character plays a supporting role in the story and you've shown that activity well.

Joseph: I like Joseph. All of his efforts are geared toward making Fiona happy. You've shown the reader his actions, rather than telling the reader that he loves Fiona. It's so much better to 'show' rather than 'tell' the reader a character's emotions and motives. Well done!

Dialogue: The time frame and location of this story requires dialogue that fits the time, and you've done that especially well.

Suggestions: There are places where stand-alone sentences could be made into one longer sentence. Short, choppy sentences can create bumps in the road. I'll give you an example:

The elderly proprietor looked up, silently unpacking his newest shipment.

Fiona proceeded to the horticultural section, but the tome she wanted was no longer there.


Instead, while this does not necessarily detract from the story, I suggest combining short sentences into longer sentences or shorter paragraphs. (No points lost because of this.)

Description: I am impressed with the way you are able to use words to create vivid images for the reader. I like stories with good description that allows me to enter the story and know where I am. While I have many favorite passages, I'll list two of my favorite here.

1. Though it was the middle of a snowy November, the two men stood in the center of a flourishing garden, inside a towering glass greenhouse, with arched panes letting the fading autumn sunlight glow through vines of morning glory and clematis. This is an excellent image that is not only important to the story but shows the reader the location and the environment. Well done!

2. Fiona grabbed her coat and muff without another word, and they trudged breathlessly through the snow together to Joseph's house. Her eyes widened as they approached the backyard and saw the building made of gothic glass arches like a crystal cathedral. Wow! You have shown the reader not only Fiona's emotions, her love and concern for Joseph, but the description also puts the story in the proper perspective for the prompt. I could easily see the gothic glass of the building.

Final Thoughts: This is an interesting story filled with creativity. The dialogue is spot on, the descriptions are vivid and very well done, and the ending is great. (love stories with a happy ending are my favorite.)

Brava, greenwillow, you have written a beautiful and creative story. Well done!

Bikerider



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