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Review #4672453
Viewing a review of:
 Under the Starlit Sky Open in new Window. [E]
What is your favorite star?
by LucyCot Author Icon
Review by Kit Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi LucyCot Author Icon,

Welcome to Writing.Com! *Smile* I happened upon your poem and thought I'd leave a review.

Overall Impression:

This is a sweet, romantic little poem. In just nine lines it expresses a lot of love and admiration for the woman at the center of the piece. It's not easy to make an impact in so few words, but you manage it here and made this an enjoyable read.

I like how the poem does not just express love; it also expresses change. The person in love has altered in her presence - warmed, softened - and this character development adds something real and relatable to the piece.

There's some nice imagery as well. I like how it makes the reader ponder that it's true that nobody would miss a single, random star, but how to you your very own star is everything.

On the technical side of things, the poem reads well. It's a free verse item with a nice rhythm and flow. Well done. *Smile*

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions, dear author. I hope that you'll find them helpful!

Line 2:

*Snow2* In this line, the word 'Her' is capitalised. With the selection of the Spiritual genre I thought that the poem was going to be about a goddess because of this. That does not appear to be the case, however, and later on 'her' is written as usual.

If the capitalisation is meant to indicate that the woman in the piece is like a goddess to the author, I suggest using that capitalisation throughout. Otherwise, it might cause some confusion.

Line 3:

*Snow2* "As my cold essence seemingly has disappeared."

You use full punctuation in your poem and I am very grateful for this. I am a huge fan of punctuation! I am not certain if this line should stand alone, however. I stumbled over it when reading through your poem for the first time. Perhaps it can be connected to the second by ending that line with a comma rather than a period?

Line 5:

*Snow2* 'Disappear' should be disappears.

General Suggestion:

*Snow2* As said, I am a big fan of punctuation in poetry. It aids the overall clarity and reading experience of an item. In line with this, I suggest allowing the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend upon the individual sentences within the piece. That would perfect the overall clarity and reading experience.

My Rating:

This is a sweet little poem. I enjoyed the read.

I did have a few suggestions. Nothing major, though. For that reason, I will give this item a rating of 4 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work. Write on! *Smile*

Kit

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