You spend your first paragraph assuring the reader that nothing is to be gained by reading further. Then in the second paragraph, you first undercut your first paragraph, and end by telling the reader that you don’t care if they read on or not.

Any readers who wade past this unorthodox marketing approach will find themselves confronted by some truly thought-provoking ideas, albeit smothered beneath self-conscious, self-referential asides in which you seem unwilling to take responsibility for your ideas and simply craft a genuine essay in which you advocate for a specific argument.

The tone you strike reminds me of the humor writings of P.J. O’Rourke, who never shied away from injecting himself in the midst of his narrative. The difference is that O’Rourke was actually funny. And, he used his humor to make a point. The “Sometimes yes, sometimes no,” resolution you settle for will fool no one.

Perhaps if you’d attached your abstract statements to examples taken from the real world, you might have found your way to making an actual argument. Instead, you end the proceedings with another bout of self-denigration, assuring the reader that you don’t care how they take it.

Come on, man. Take a stand. Dare to be wrong. Risk offending someone. You’re obviously a good writer. Get off the fence. All you get from that is a crease in your ass.