First the nuts and bolts stuff. I’m assuming you composed this piece on some word processing software, then copied and pasted it into the item text field. I’m sure that in its native environment, all formatting appeared as expected: paragraphs set apart either by a line space or an indent; text wrapping to margin settings; and hard returns only at the end of a paragraph. In such a piece of software, the settings do much of the work. You needn’t actually hit an extra return at the end of a paragraph, you don’t actually set tabs at the beginning of each paragraph, you simply tell the program how you want it to look and start typing.

Unfortunately, none of those settings are picked up when you copy and paste, which is why your story is such a bloody mess. Presentation isn’t everything, but it’s a large portion of the overall effect, and if it complicates the reader’s job, it needs to be tended to. WDC’s text field is a rudimentary text processor, so to make this readable you’re going to need to add the keystrokes to format your paragraphs and take out the myriad hard returns salted throughout that just get in the way of the prose.

And that’s a damned shame, because it’s strong, polished prose that’s worth reading. I found one, just one, mechanical error. This sentence contains a doozy:

As I did often, I was sat on the bench along the path into the cemetery,

When everything sounds this good, a blunder like that sticks out like a hairy wart. ‘Nuff said.

I always find something to complain about in my reviews, a suggested revision or a potential tweak to consider. I can’t here. Everything works, elegantly. It’s mostly a meditation on the kinds of issues that crop up when spending time in a cemetery. The main character visits various graves and contemplates the lives that ended there.

This is a text-book example of how a well-defined narrative arc needn’t be built on strong plot points. Not a whole lot actually happens in time and space. The transitions are conveyed through shifts in narrative tone, mood, and the main character’s deepening involvement with the baby’s grave.

I loved how the cemetery scenes were framed as memories, which allowed you to effortlessly shift the time frame into the present for the concluding passages. A story that has been shrouded in somber thoughts of death ends optimistically with a focus on life.

Nicely done.