*Notes: This is an interesting thought, that Time is actually a small animal fluttering through the air. I love how you came up with capturing “Time with a memory for the past also. I have included a line-by-line review below.
Red - needed changes
Blue - suggestions, and comments
***... The second idiot jumped from bramble bushes in surprise, snatching it in that spot. Scraped and bleeding as he was."(this is not a complete sentence)
***Niffery waited, and he waited, but Jimmery failed to arrive. "That darn idiot wouldn't know what to do if someone was to tell him. I'll have to go find him to give him the plan again. I'll stick his nose in the ground where I find him, then drag him to the spot I want him to be at the end. There is where I'll catched (no -ed) the beast, and with Jimmery on that spot, I'll push his nose into the soil, so he'll recognize the smell when he arrives there again."
***"I don't know, but I think it has to be something that 'Time' really likes for it to be lured into our trap. Time don't like sugar, cake, or cookies. Hmmm, what would you crave if you were Time?" Niffery said. asked.
***"I don't know, but my Mum always told me that if I wanted to save a moment in time, I should capture it in memory. Then I'd have it frozen for all time." (comma not a period) Jimmery answered.
***With that, Jimmery reached up and plucked a memory from under his hair. It was the memory of his Mum, sitting on a stool, stirring a bowl of cookie dough. "Ummm, that looks good," (period not a comma) so (upper case on -H) he gently pinched the memory between his fingers and pulled it from his mind. "I have it, Niffery. I pulled the memory from me mind. Will that be 'Bait'?" he asked.
***... Finding me a moment in time, but if Time is our prisoner, then nothing will ever come to pass." (caps on -S) she reached down, parting Jimmery's fingers, freeing tiny Time from his trap, and the world awakened again.

FORUM

Ultimate Trinket Adventure [Mainland]  (E) Collect treasures, complete tasks, and win the golden Apple.. #2267246 by GERVIC