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 Review #4657458 |
 | The Scratch Off  [E] Terrance finds himself in a fight for his life. One wrong move and it all could be over.  |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good day to you, Shae Moe , and I hope it finds you well. It's Monday, and the Jackster's on the prowl for something to review. That makes this your lucky day  . I am certainly no one to be telling anyone how to write, having myself managed to successfully avoid fame and fortune for over sixty years, but I flatter myself that I have learned a thing or two in my decades of chasing the dream. Given that reviewing is a major part of the WdC experience, I'm taking that as my license to offer my opinion. And make no mistake, it is nothing but an opinion for you to use or discard as you wish. My reviews are thorough and honest, and while I hope we can be friends afterward, my greater hope is that you become a better writer as a result of our having crossed paths.For the record, I am an occasional hobbyist writer of mystery, fantasy, horror, and steampunk who tries to review in a wide variety of styles and genres; I have, in fact, been recently nominated for a Quill Award for reviewing. I should explain that I use this review template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. Allow me to offer a suggestion: Put something about your writing experience in your bio. Right now, I don't know if you are male or female, young or old, green or experienced, and I could write a much more tailored review if I did. Nonetheless, I'll do my best. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD PRESENTATION: This aspect deals with the first impression your story makes when a reader clicks on the title. Call it the cosmetics. I'll be looking at abstract items from text density to scene dividers in an effort to ferret out any unfortunate habits that might cause a reader to move on without actually reading anything; before you can dazzle him with your show, you have to get him into the tent!  One word: Paragraphs. They are the lifeblood of writing, giving readers indispensable clues about who's speaking, subtle shifts in what's being described, basically everything. They are to writing what air is to life. I can see that you know where to put them, but they need to be delineated.There are two methods to do this on WdC. The easiest is to double-space between them. It's clear and simple, though unattractive. The more professional look is to indent each one. You do this by placing the {indent} command at the start of each one. Sounds like a slog, but there's a shortcut key at the top of the creation box that drops the command wherever the cursor is in the text; not that different from pressing the Tab key. Either way works, but you need to pick one and use it. The other thing I want to mention, and there is no deduction for this, is using the default font as provided. It is a tiny version of Arial, a clean, attractive font that I sometimes use myself, but at the size provided, it resembles nothing so much as the fine print in a used car contract. There are many ways to perk up your font – this review is in 3.5 Verdana with a 1.4 line space setting, for example – but the easiest way is to place the command {size:3.5} at the beginning of your text. If you don't like it, just remove the command and it will revert to its original format. STORY: Now we come to the heart of the issue. This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. I try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination. The fact that I'm here writing a review is proof that you've done a pretty good job with the story. Let's examine the individual parts of the whole and see what works to make it successful. Okay, this is weird. That's okay, I like weird. If I wanted same-o same-o, I could buy books from the traditional publishers who are engaged in a competition to see who can best recreate the Last Big Thing. The title is nice misdirection; I went in expecting a story about a lottery ticket, and its effect on its holder. But you surprised me with a story, a vignette really, about a DJ whose audience biometrics decide whether he lives or dies on a night-to-night basis. What a strange world he inhabits. Of course, this story by itself answers no questions other than those of the here and now. Expanding this into a novella or even a series chronicling how the world came to be like this, who runs it, who the opposition is, what the DJ did to be placed in this position, could be a decade-long project, and well-handled, might become the Next Big Thing. As it is, it's a head-scratcher, and many reviewers might take you to task for that fact, but I won't. I do think it's worth expanding, though. MECHANICS: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: "I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing as a writer is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period and lose himself in your creation. Errors in spelling and grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues, use of words inconsistent with their actual meanings, all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. I have already taken you to task over the lack of paragraphs, and won't repeat that here. Other than that, the only error I see is that sheith is spelled sheath. I won't deduct further for one misspelled word, so congratulations on a job well done in this difficult category.And here's a freebie to keep for the rest of your writing life: You write, One last thing to try, he thought to himself. Unless you're writing science fiction about a telepath, who else is he going to think to? CHARACTERS: This section discusses all aspects of the characters, the way they look, act, and talk, as well as the development and presentation of backstory. Allow me to present "Tyler's Axiom:" Characters are fiction. Rich, multifaceted characters with compelling backstories will seize the reader in a grip that will not be denied, and drag him into their narrative, because he can't abide the thought of not knowing what will happen to them. Conversely, lazy, shallow stereotypes will ruin any story regardless of its other qualities, because the reader will be unable to answer the second question of fiction: Why do I care? Terrance, the DJ, is the only character who matters, and despite this being told in third-person, we ride in his head from start to finish. Everyone else is shadows in the distance, but him we understand, this man who lives at the whim of others, and on the edge of panic. Beautiful job.SETTINGS: This section deals with the locations you've established for your action, the ways in which they affect that action, and your ability to describe them clearly and concisely. You could say that this aspect answers (or fails to answer) the first question of fiction, What's going on here? Setting can be used to challenge a character, to highlight a skill or quality, to set the mood of a scene without overtly saying a single thing about it, and a host of lesser impacts too numerous to mention. You might think of it as a print artist's equivalent of a movie's "mood music," always important yet never intrusive. All in all, a pretty big deal, then. So how did you do? Dance club with dJ. Simple, everone knows what this looks like, so your story doesn't have to bog down for a minute with a page of description. I usually say "good choice" when an author places the story in a familiar setting, but this could hardly be anywhere else. Still, good choice!SUMMARY: And there you have my words of "wisdom." I hope that I have presented my opinions in a way that is constructive, and that you will find helpful to your endeavors going forward. I thank you for sharing and exposing your work to the whims of public opinion, and I wish you a thrilling journey to wherever your writing takes you.** Image ID #2271299 Unavailable ** "You don't choose writing; writing chooses you." Interested parties may follow my antics at "Invalid Item" — Serious writers may want to check out the biggest little group on the site. If you'd enjoy occasional deep conversations and a spiffy monthly contest featuring unusual and valuable prizes, stop in for a look. Our forum, linked below, is open access, and if you like what you see, e-mail me to be added to the roster. Hope to see you there!
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 05/09/2022 @ 8:32pm EDT