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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4655861
Review #4655861
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by GERVIC Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Greetings !

Disclaimer:

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by GERVIC and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Overview:
Your poem was listed under the VIP section of "Poetry Review Garden [on hiatus]Open in new Window. and I'm here to deliver to you my review. Also, this review is part of your Extravagant Surprise package from {item{22700000}.


Title:
          "When having the blues..." is a good choice of title. It will certainly tickle the interest of the readers to read your piece and know the answers When having the blues. Your description provides ambiguous impact for readers whether it is the poem itself is bad or the theme. But it's not that bad since it also triggers the curiosity of readers to read on and find out.


Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
          I like it you give a little advice on the very first line that when feeling blue, don't watch the news. I agree because news can only make your emotion rise. Most especially when it tackles on education. As you mentioned here in this piece, "teachers striking | and everyone fighting | kids skipping school", these could only make the news worse and in turn worsen your feeling. You also have some bolded words or lines in here. Is it a prompt from a contest or any writing activity?


Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:
          It's a free verse poem with no set meter but with occasional end rhymes.


Artistic Voice and Imagery:
          The imagery is clear especially on the lines where you said "There's wind from the west | That's being a pest".


Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
          I detected no grammatical error but I found one typographical error. I believe the second line "With teaches striking" should be "With teachers striking". Also the question mark (?) on the last line doesn't seem to be necessary in there.


Favorite Lines:
None.


Suggestions:
          It will be better if you put some notes about the bolded words and lines about why they are bolded.

I would like to also suggest that you remove the word "Because" on the fifth line because it somehow destructs the smooth flow of your piece.


Final Thought:
          It's a good piece and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing it. Write on!


Reviewed by:
GERVIC Author IconMail Icon



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