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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4654910
Review #4654910
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Pineapple Party  Open in new Window.
Review by GERVIC Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Greetings BlueMoon Author IconMail Icon!

Disclaimer:

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by GERVIC and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Overview:
Your poem was listed under the VIP section of "Poetry Review Garden [on hiatus]Open in new Window. and I'm here to deliver to you my review. Also, this review is part of the Extravagant Surprise package from "Magical Express Delivery WagonOpen in new Window..


Title:
          Pineapple Party is a good choice of title. It's catchy and would certainly get you more readers. I'm glad there is a clear description provided that somehow gives us hints on how your poem goes and what it is all about. Good job on doing that.


Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
          Since it's a song about a party-a pineapple party, I believe it must have a much lively emotion, ecstatic emotion however, I can't seem to feel it here in this piece. The emotion shown was more of a regret or dismay. The piece is something about a tragic party.


Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:
          Free verse.


Artistic Voice and Imagery:
          Imagery is clear and perfectly executed. I can't figure out what song you incorporated this piece with. I wish there is a note provided somewhere on the item but I can't see any. I could have sing it after reading it to see if it goes well with the song.


Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
          Honestly, it's my first time to see and read RSVP and I don't know what it meant. I researched it on google and found out that it means "répondez s'il vous plaît" which translates to "please respond". If this is what you meant by the RSVP you used in your piece, then somehow its usage is off the course. That will come out us,

"Why'd I go ahead and please respond?"

I didn't get what you meant by this line.

Also, please consider putting some notes on words, phrases, and abbreviations maybe through dropnotes, footnotes, popups or simply just place it on the bottom part of your composition to lessen the need for us to research its meaning.

Finally, you incorrectly used punctuation on most of the lines.


Favorite Lines:
Or maybe if that pelican hadn't flown in and attacked the party guests?
I'm laughing/I'm dodging/ the potatoes are flying, they're flying/they're flying


Suggestions:
          Already mentioned above.


Final Thought:
          It's a good piece and enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing and please continue to let your creative juices flow to inspire more and more readers. Write on!


Reviewed by:
GERVIC Author IconMail Icon



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