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 Review #4654746 |
 | The Narrative Device  [13+] A whirlwind of short scenes across genres, connected by a troubling reoccurrence.  |
| (5.0)  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good day to you, Souciance , and I hope it finds you well. I am certainly no one to be telling anyone how to write, having myself managed to successfully avoid fame and fortune for over sixty years, but I flatter myself that I have learned a thing or two in my decades of chasing the dream. Given that reviewing is a major part of the WdC experience, I'm taking that as my license to offer my opinion. And make no mistake, it is nothing but an opinion for you to use or discard as you wish. My reviews are thorough and honest, and while I hope we can be friends afterward, my greater hope is that you become a better writer as a result of our having crossed paths.For the record, I am an occasional hobbyist writer of mystery, fantasy, horror, and steampunk who tries to review in a wide variety of styles and genres; I have, in fact, been recently nominated for a Quill Award for reviewing. I should explain that I use this review template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. A suggestion: Put a bit of information about yourself in your bio sections. A little knowledge about your writing philosophies and experiences will enable reviewers to give you a much more tailored assessment. Knowing nothing about you at this, our first meeting, I'll do my best. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD PRESENTATION: This aspect deals with the first impression your story makes when a reader clicks on the title. Call it the cosmetics. I'll be looking at abstract items from text density to scene dividers in an effort to ferret out any unfortunate habits that might cause a reader to move on without actually reading anything; before you can dazzle him with your show, you have to get him into the tent!  The full five stars on this very important element. I prefer larger print; the default provided looks like nothing so much as the fine print in a used car contract. There are many ways to enhance the font here – this review is in 3.5 Verdana with a 1.4 line-space setting, for example – but the easiest way to make the default more attractive is to place the command {size:3.5} at the head of the text. If you don't like it, remove the command, and it will revert to its original form.I prefer indented paragraphs; they just look so much more professional. But double-spacing is well-recognized and seems to be the most popular method here at WdC, so I've learned to like it. In any case, nothing you've done here is wrong, and I don't assess penalties for using the defaults provided. Well-presented. STORY: Now we come to the heart of the issue. This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. I try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination. The fact that I'm here writing a review is proof that you've done a pretty good job with the story. Let's examine the individual parts of the whole and see what works to make it successful. This is both interesting and entertaining, and reminds me very much of the old Quantum Leap TV show, where the lead character, through a time-travel experiment gone wrong was dropped into the middle of a high-stakes situation every week. Don't let that bother you; every conceivable story has been done before. What matters is what you do with it, and you've done a fine piece of work here. Even the title, The Narrative Device, is a choice carrying multiple meanings, some of which aren't grasped until the reader is well into the story. I did enjoy all the jumps, though the non-ending was a bit jarring. If this were a "normal" linear story, I would deduct half a star for that, but after some consideration, I'm not going to penalize you for it because it works quite effectively here. You could go on like this for years, and a solid, everything-wrapped-up ending would be almost anti-climactic. You've made some good choices here, and I tip my begoggled patrol cap to you. Well-done!MECHANICS: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: "I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing as a writer is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period and lose himself in your creation. Errors in spelling and grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues, use of words inconsistent with their actual meanings, all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. I want you to understand how huge this is: In a typical story of this length, this category is often a laundry-list of errors to be corrected, sometimes longer than all the other parts of the review combined. I think the amateur writers that most of us are have a tendency to post a work the minute it's completed, wanting to get it in front of readers as soon as possible. No story is ready for public consumption until it has been proofread and edited several times... and it is apparent that I don't have to tell you that! While it's always possible that I overlooked something, I couldn't find one error to list in the whole story, and that is a statement I'm not often able to make. Great job!CHARACTERS: This section discusses all aspects of the characters, the way they look, act, and talk, as well as the development and presentation of backstory. Allow me to present "Tyler's Axiom:" Characters are fiction. Rich, multifaceted characters with compelling backstories will seize the reader in a grip that will not be denied, and drag him into their narrative, because he can't abide the thought of not knowing what will happen to them. Conversely, lazy, shallow stereotypes will ruin any story regardless of its other qualities, because the reader will be unable to answer the second question of fiction: Why do I care? This story being what it is, it's hard to develop characters since they change with each jump. But I very much enjoyed the way that they all moved together from scene to scene, and maintained some basic similarity to their archetype in each situation they found themselves in. SETTINGS: This section deals with the locations you've established for your action, the ways in which they affect that action, and your ability to describe them clearly and concisely. You could say that this aspect answers (or fails to answer) the first question of fiction, What's going on here? Setting can be used to challenge a character, to highlight a skill or quality, to set the mood of a scene without overtly saying a single thing about it, and a host of lesser impacts too numerous to mention. You might think of it as a print artist's equivalent of a movie's "mood music," always important yet never intrusive. All in all, a pretty big deal, then. So how did you do? I found this element to be well-handled. You could have lost a lot of narrative impetus bogging down in descriptions of all the different settings, but you gave us just enough backdrop for the action to play out against, and I never once had to stop and puzzle out what I was supposed to be seeing. You've made excellent choices, and handled each with an economy of skill that is a delight to read.SUMMARY: And there you have my words of "wisdom." I hope that I have presented my opinions in a way that is constructive, and that you will find helpful to your endeavors going forward. This was an engrossing read from start to finish, and I wish I knew some of your bio so I could see where all of this talent comes from. In any case, I thank you for sharing and exposing your work to the whims of public opinion, and I wish you a thrilling journey to wherever your writing takes you.** Image ID #2271299 Unavailable ** "You don't choose writing; writing chooses you." Interested parties may follow my antics at "Invalid Item" — Serious writers may want to check out the biggest little group on the site. If you'd enjoy occasional deep conversations and a spiffy monthly contest featuring unusual and valuable prizes, stop in for a look. Our forum, linked below, is open access, and if you like what you see, e-mail me to be added to the roster. Hope to see you there!
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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