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 Review #4654605 |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good day to you, rupali, and I hope it finds you well. I am certainly no one to be telling anyone how to write, having myself managed to successfully avoid fame and fortune for over sixty years, but I flatter myself that I have learned a thing or two in my decades of chasing the dream. Given that it is alleged to be understood by all that reviewing is a major part of the WdC experience, I'm taking that as my license to offer my opinion. And make no mistake, it is nothing but an opinion for you to use or discard as you wish. My reviews are thorough and honest, and while I hope we can be friends afterward, my greater hope is that you become a better writer as a result of our having crossed paths. For the record, I am an occasional hobbyist writer of fantasy, horror, and steampunk (hence my handle) who tries to review in a wide variety of styles and genres; I have, in fact, been recently nominated for a Quill Award for reviewing. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD I have noted in myself a certain lack where it comes to reviewing poetry. It's partly that I write prose fiction myself, and am most comfortable working in my own genre, but I need to branch out and this, the first entry on the Read a Newbie forum, represents an excellent opportunity. So, why do I bring up poetry? Well, this reads like free verse. An essay might run to a couple of thousand words, belabor points to exhaustion, and argue opinions that support the author's position. This is elegant. Your theme is aging and the transitory nature of physical attractiveness, and you make a statement in seven lines that many writers couldn't accomplish in seventy. I'm guessing that English is not your first language, but that doesn't hamper you even if it's true. The fourth line lands with a bit of a clang on my ear, and I would rephrase it thus: Our apparent beauty is fading rapidly, but at the same time, eternal beauty is increasing with our gathered experiences. You will see that I haven't changed a word, just the order. But this is a personal preference, not any sainted rule of grammar, and I'm certainly not going to mar the rating of this most excellent piece of poetry over that. It rates the full five stars, and my thanks for sharing this charming work, and providing a wonderful start to my day. Once again, welcome to WdC, and I hope you have a wonderful time with us! Read well and write better, blimprider  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/15/2022 @ 1:29am EDT