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 Review #4654165 |
 |  | Chapter 1 - The Map  [ASR] Chapter 1 for the Chapter One contest March 2022  |
| (4.0)| A  ReviewMy reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. First Impression How interesting! And unusual.  And this-->This map leads to the answers of who I am, where I come from, why I am here. I don't trust the person who gave me the map. Wow. It sounds like the main character might have some obstacles ahead of her. Darcy sees her abilities as a curse. Could finding her way through the map, find her a way of freeing herself from these unnatural, somewhat dark abilities? I'd love to follow her along and find out. Nice work!Thoughts/Suggestions (Please don't be too discouraged by my suggestions.  They are all easy fixes!) She gave it to me as a temptation I am sure.  She gave it to me as a temptation[,] I am sure. The question is do I need to know who I am bad enough to leap over that edge. The question is[,] do I need to know who I am bad enough to leap over that edge[?] It isn't just an ability it is a curse. It isn't just an ability[,] it is a curse. or It isn't just an ability[;] it is a curse. What if that postponement was the gateway to damnation. What if that postponement was the gateway to damnation[?] That the skateboarder that just rode down the sidewalk That the skateboarder [who] just rode down the sidewalk If I told him it could alter events. I wouldn't be able to see death's path clearly. If I told him it could alter events[,] I wouldn't be able to see death's path clearly. I knew he had guessed something like the truth about me. I knew he had guessed something [close to] the truth about me. Seeing death coming was a curse that left me feeling guilty at times like these. Seeing death coming was a curse[, leaving me feeling guilty at times like these. It's just something to consider, eliminating the word that. I think tonight is a good night for delivery." Brian suggested. I think tonight is a good night for delivery[,]" Brian suggested. I'm a punctuation kinda gal, if you couldn't tell.  You can't imagine how that is when I'm trying to text!  There were a few other places that were questionable, too, but perhaps not. I do get a little carried away at times. Favorites Temptation, a word, a concept that brings the nearly inevitable act of falling into its trap. and Brian waved his hand in front of my face. "Darcy, what wool are you gathering this time?" Best of luck in the contest! Be sure not to edit till after the winners are announced.  Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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