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 Review #4653547 |
  |  | Wheel of Fortune  [18+] My blog--I pull a card--if it doesn't speak to me...perhaps it is for you?  |
| (4.5)   Greetings, ridinghhood-p.boutilier, I am reviewing this today as one of two judges for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest " . Please do not edit your limerick until after the winners are announced! Thank you!   First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Easy to understand First Impression  I had to laugh at your title because it reminded me of something Shel Silverstein might write (and I love his poetry.) He wrote some pretty unique poetry for kids, that perhaps not all parents would think appropriate, and some of it's a bit morbid. But kids loved his poems and on the most part, his writing was relatable. In this piece, some might not agree with subjecting children to your first stanza, but then in the second stanza, you present Miss Patty as someone who is comfortable in her own skin, who couldn't care less otherwise, what others thought. So there you have it. It's a poem some kids might relate to.   Meter: Your meter is perfect! 8/8/5/5/8 throughout. Awesome!  Rhyme: The rhymes are right on in the second stanza. And in the first stanza, they are still acceptable because they are so close. I think nowadays, most people don't think twice about near-rhyming. Back-in-the-day when I was younger, it seemed like it had to be perfect. I'm glad things have relaxed a little.  Flow: Good flow. Technicalities:  In your title, you spell Patty with a y at the end. In your poem, you spell it with an ie at the end. You might consider adding more punctuation to this piece. Perhaps I may be fat said Miss Pattie should include quotation marks because it's dialogue.  Favorites:I eat what I please and don't give a sneeze (love it!)  Final thoughts: You've done a good job with this. I've so impressed you managed to keep the meter exactly as asked for in the prompt. Nice work!Best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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