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 Review #4643052 |
  Greetings, bobturn, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest "  . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Easy to understand Followed the prompt & rules Conflict: Bob plans to surprise his mom with the snow globe that reminds her of childhood memories. When Jimmy discovers it, the conflict begins, as Jimmy wants to pay Bob double for it. Characters: Mainly, Bob and Jimmy. Mom and Dad are secondary characters. Dialogue: Great dialogue! (You've always been good at dialogue in the past, too.)   Technicalities: Well...there are a few typos that need editing, though nothing too time-consuming. Here are a few mentionables:You heard mom tell me --> You heard Mom tell me (There are several other areas, too, that mom needs to be Mom.) I made a grab but Jimmy is bigger. --> I made a grab but Jimmy was bigger. “Boy’s are you fighting again?” --> “Boys, are you fighting again?” Jimmy and I hear her feet plodding --> Jimmy and I heard her feet plodding  Favorites: This was the turning point of your story: There was some kind of a heart tug in my chest as Jimmy closed his eyes, and lowered the Christmas globe, snowflakes swirling about so I could reach it. “Take it.” I paused. Final thoughts: That was really something when Bob allowed his older brother Jimmy to take credit for the gift! Bob was no longer the favorite and it set him free. Nice! And I loved the ending! Good job, Bob!Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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