I just noticed that I had an expired review request for this item. I'm so sorry that I missed it. I'm not accustomed to being asked for reviews. But I'm happy to do one for you, so here goes...

Overall Impression
* The piece is very heartfelt and emotional. I felt myself tearing up a little reading it.
* It progresses through memories and scenes well, paced like a story with touching scenes followed by dark moments, followed by lighter ones.
* The final lines were brilliant.
* I loved it.

Technical glitches
* "For-granted" should be "For granted" (no hyphen)
* "And yet….all that time" should be "And yet... all that time" (An ellipsis only has three periods - there were a couple more of these as well.)
* "casket shaped hole" should be "casket-shaped hole" (add hyphen)
* "out-loud" should be "out loud" (no hyphen)
* "often-sudden light-bulb" should be "often sudden light bulb"

Suggestions for improvement
* Maybe adding some visceral, sensory language or details would help bring some of scenes you're weaving together to life. For example:

"To you, I was your little helper when you baked cookies"

Could maybe be something more like:

"To you, I was you little helper when you baked cookies,
scurrying about, smiling as I sniffed the sugary scent of dough on tin"


...or...

"The little old lady who stood in the kitchen

A spatula in hand

And told me all the different ways to make a good dinner"


Could maybe be something like:

"The little old lady gazing warmly into my eyes from her perch behind the kitchen counter,

spatula in hand, smoothing her crinkled apron, eyes sparkling

as her wrinkled lips whispered years of cooking wisdom into my eager ears."


Only you know the right image to paint, but my advice would be to paint it in the most vibrant colors you can. :)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .