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 Review #4618673 |
| A   ReviewMy reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. First Impression Your first chapter is interesting and leaves me curious about where you are leading us! Your storytelling tone is similar to riding a wave, as the flow is continuous and keeps the reader reading, wondering where the boy has disappeared to. You leave us hanging at the end of this chapter, which is the best way to end it. Thoughts/Suggestions I think it would be helpful if you added quotes to your dialogue.  A couple examples would be...O dear, I said to her, I don't know where he could be then.  "O dear," I said to her. "I don't know where he could be then." and and he said thank you but I don't time for lemonade right now I am working! and he said, "Thank you, but I don't [have] time for lemonade right now, I am working!" There are also a few places that need editing.  One example is:I sure hope no not taken off with him I sure hope no one has taken off with him You have a few run-on sentences, which sometimes work, but sometimes don't. This one in particular: About three weeks later I got a knock on my door it was his Mother looking for him as he was lost and she could not find him and I told her it had been a couple of weeks since he had been over there and yes I pointed, to build on his treehouse Maybe just maybe he might be up in there. One example to consider:About three weeks later, I got a knock on my door. It was his mother looking for him as he was lost and she could not find him. I told her it had been a couple of weeks since he had been over there as I pointed to his treehouse. Maybe—just maybe—he might be up in there. The story itself has a nice flow and does the trick, as far as keeping the reader wondering what happened to the boy. Despite the polishing it needs, it's a decent story starter and does its job with a good hook in its first chapter, leaving the reader curious about what will happen next. Favorites it seemed as though this boy was always into something, ah not that he was bad but curious What a great way to begin a story. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 07/10/2021 @ 11:08am EDT