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Review #4614063
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Rated: | (5.0)
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Greetings, bobturn, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids-CLOSED till Spring" Open in new Window..

*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Nice imagery
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Yes

*Crayons7* Characters: Great characters, especially Mister Snyder.

*Crayons* Dialogue: Excellent!

*Crayons3* Setting: The country

*Crayons5* Technicalities: Only one: “You’re not bad for being ancient history, Mister Snyder,” the kid looked awkward, hands stuffed restless into pockets. You might consider replacing the first comma with a period or adding a dialogue tag. *Smile* A couple examples: “You’re not bad for being ancient history, Mister Snyder.” The kid looked awkward, hands stuffed restless into pockets. or “You’re not bad for being ancient history, Mister Snyder,” the kid said, looking awkward, hands stuffed restless into pockets.

*Crayons2* Favorites: I absolutely loved the tone in this story. The old man was amazing, how he dealt with those kids.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: Wonderfully written, Bob! Great flow.


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
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