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Review #4612478
Viewing a review of:
 A Dream of the Past Open in new Window. [E]
Entry for Round 19 Roots and Wings Historical Writing Contest, fiction based on a truth
by Marvelous Friend Author Icon
Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title: Review: A Dream of the Past by Marvelous Friend

The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center}

Title and Author: A Dream of the Past by Marvelous Friend

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
c:black}Your Words:
Review comments
My Impressions as I read:
Editing Suggestions:

Plot::
Mrs. Jenkins is sitting in a waiting room to get her third treatment of chemotherapy. There are several other people waiting for her. A child starts running around saying she’s lost her cat. A man pretends to eat the cat. The Uncle of the little girl goes to the man and gets him to cough the cat back up then goes and sits down. He tells his niece she can keep playing because he will take care of the cat. The man pretends to pat the cat. The mood in the room is now more relaxed because of the fun which just took place.

Hook:
Patient waiting in doctors office

Opening Sentence and Paragraph:
The reader is pulled into the story to find out if Mrs. Jenkins is going to be alright. I think there is also the hope some might find out what actually happens during chemo, the actual procedure.

Characters Development:
It’s more of a situation development than character development. It is a basic study on the types of people who might show up in a doctor’s office. There are older people, a child and an imaginary pet, all prime ingredients for a good family story.

Dialogue:
There are very few words said, but each one of them counts as necessary. We learn about at least two of the characters by the use of just a couple of words.

Punctuation and Structure:
I found only a couple of errors and those I listed in my line-by-line review below. The paragraph structure was good.

Closing Statement
I have never gone to chemo myself, but I had a best friend who did. I can see where what you describe happening with the child would change the mood of the room. When I sat with my friend the mood was almost fake. Most were sitting there with pasted smiles and pretending to not be down or scared.

I hope you, your loved one or your friend are alright. Thank you for posting your story.

Starling
-----------------
...There was a man sitting a couple of seats down
... If these chemicals didn’t kill her, the cancer would.
...So Mr. Thompson obediently, (no comma) started coughing and acting

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/29/2021 @ 9:53am EDT
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