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Review #4612458
Viewing a review of:
 Application for Refugee Status Open in new Window. [E]
When their home planet is destroyed, these alien refugees offer us more than we do them.
by Dr Gonzo Author Icon
Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title: Review: Application For Refergee Status by Dr Gomez


The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center}


Title and Author: Application For Refergee Status by Dr Gomez

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
c:black}Your Words:
Review comments
My Impressions as I read:
Editing Suggestions:

Plot::
An alien ship comes to Earth seeking refugee status. The onboard AI system offers Earth help to clean up the planet if they are allowed to stay. When Earth states they need to go through a lot of paperwork and interviews before they can stay, the AI systems states that is not acceptable. It tells the commander they are staying and will not proceed to clean the planet so the citizens in the ship can live on Earth.

Hook:
Aliens arrive and offer to help Earth.

Opening Sentence and Paragraph:
The opening sentences draw the readers into the story. The reader wants to find out what the astronauts are seeing.

Characters Development:
This is a short piece. Not a lot of character development can take place. We do know Earth has been in space for at least 25 years. We know this is the first group of aliens Earth has encountered. We know Earth is still arrogant. We know whatever the aliens need they will take it for their own survival.

Dialogue:
The dialogue is crisp and too the point.

Punctuation and Structure:
I have listed the few points I have found below in a line-by-line review. The structure is well done. There is no long run-on sentences.

Closing Statement


Starling
-----------------------------------
...“What do you make of it, Sir?” said asked First Lieutenant Mike Barbera.
...and his young second in command is was correct, it is was slowing.
...“It's manoeuvring (spelling) sir, looks like
...they are not the chatty types.(comma not period)” Commander Johnston quipped.
...Debate rages raged (keep it in the present tense) between the members of Common International Delegation.
...Then, your citizen's (no apostrophe) will need to be found places amongst our own,
... We have travelled (spelling) far and we have no other options."
...who have almost destroyed it (need comma) and clean it up to its former glory.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 05/28/2021 @ 6:06pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4612458