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Review #4612359
Viewing a review of:
 You Were Only a Human Open in new Window. [18+]
Shya may only be in control of the other humans there. But she wants more than that.
by PureSciFi Author Icon
Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title: Review: You Were Only A Human by PureSciFi - Sci-Fi

The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center}

Title and Author: You Were Only A Human by PureSciFi

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
c:black}Your Words:
Review comments
My Impressions as I read:
Editing Suggestions:

Plot::
Humans are in charge of collecting a valuable mineral on another planet. Shya wants to be treated like a citizen and not as part of the slave labor. The aliens think the humans are stealing in the mineral. They send Shya out with a ship loaded with it to let her prove it is not the humans. She is stopped by another ship and finds out the truth.

Opening Sentence and Paragraph:
The story starts out with two humans fighting. This pulls the reader a little more into the story until they get to the part where explanations are given on why the humans are unhappy. The way it is set up, each piece of information pulls you a bit further so you keep reading.

Characters Development:
We have one main character. By her actions, it is not hard to see she is in charge. She doesn’t mind being in charge. There are several other characters that will get stronger as the story progresses past the point where it is now. This could be the first or second chapter in a longer story.

Dialogue:
The dialogue is believable. I think some stronger words could be used to show emotions in the dialogue, but it is good.

Punctuation and Structure:
Punctuation errors are minimal. The sentence structure is good and not confusing. I have shown some suggestions also in my line-by-line review below.

Closing Statement
I found this story interesting. It is a good start to a possible longer story. As I wrote above I see this as either the first or second chapter. Each of the separate divisions you have noted could be possible chapters also. You had a nice twist at the end. Well done.

Thank you for posting.

Starling
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... And Viloni takes it away from me because she he (you have stated about the two fighters above are males) doesn’t want to do it herself himself.”
...“What do you want us to do about them? (caps needed) the humans are your responsibility.
...The faceless (?) head with the long hair of Bounc turned toward Dancun
...But she can’t hear them. (caps needed) all she can hear is their mumbling.
...Shya glanced at the large monitors on both sides of a huge one that is showing nothing of showed nothing but Space on it. (need caps) the two large ones are showing the Colvian scattered all around those very big-looking rooms.
...Suddenly, the darkness on the main monitor in front of Shya becomes became (present tense) a large spaceship similar to the one that she was on.
...She tapped a button on the arm of her Seater there.
...“That isn’t true.” Came the voice of a male that echoed (need a “t”) hroughout that room. The voice of a male echoed throughout the room.

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