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Review #4612344
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Based on an Untrue Story Open in new Window. [13+]
Space alien exploration account.
by Beholden Author Icon
Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title: Review: Based On An Untrue Story by Beholden - Sci-fi

The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center}

Title and Author: Based On An Untrue Story by Beholden

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
c:black}Your Words:
Review comments
My Impressions as I read:
Editing Suggestions:

Plot::
An alien race visits a planet. It takes them centuries to be able to travel in space fast enough to travel interstellar. The first few expeditions do not find any other life. Soon they discover a blue planet where they make contact with the citizen. They help them design large structures. Without any word of goodby, they leave the small planet and return home. The home planet thinks the travelers were crazy for not trying to help the small blue planet, gain knowledge and live better lives.

Hook:
The first sentence talks about giving up on the “thing”. The readers are now drawn to keep reading to find out what the “thing” is. Nice hook.

Opening Sentence and Paragraph:
Where the opening sentence pulls the reader in to read more, the opening paragraph tells what has been discovered. The reader now wants to know what the alien race did with the new knowledge.

Characters Development:
We know from the beginning it is someone reminiscing about something which has happened in their past or in their planet’s past. We are not told what planet the main character comes from. There are hints the person may be someone important on their planet.

Dialogue:
The dialogue is all internal since it is a story being told by one person to at least one more person.

Punctuation and Structure:
Punctuation problems were minimal and will be listed below in a line-by-line review. The story structure was good and logically put together.

Closing Statement
Interesting story on events the people of Earth have wondered about. It also gives a logical reason why we know very little about how some earth structures came about considering the abilities of the people at the time they were established.

I enjoyed reading how you turned the events into a possibility. It was sort of aliens coming to earth, doing something silly to waste time and then leaving having a good laugh. I picture some grownups going to the beach to party, building some sandcastles, and then going home to continue to party, laughing about the good time they had.

Thanks for posting.

Starling
------------------
...Many, in fact (need comma) most,
...bending and manipulation of the space time (hyphenated) continuum
...it took that long to unravel space time (hyphenated) before we learned the momentous news
...learned the unearthly language (need comma) and proceeded to teach the poor blighters how to build enormous structures out of stone. Huge buildings of incredibly weighty and carefully-shaped (not hyphenated) rock were constructed, enormous creations that served no useful purpose
...Leave me now. I think I may scream.. (remove period)

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/27/2021 @ 7:04pm EDT
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