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Review #4611958
Viewing a review of:
 She Finally Told Me Open in new Window. [ASR]
He finally learns that she loved him.
by Paul Author Icon
Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title: Review: She Finally Told Me by Paul


The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center}


Title and Author: She Finally Told Me by Paul

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
c:black}Your Words:
Review comments
My Impressions as I read:
Editing Suggestions:

Plot::
Ian receives a phone call while he is rushing to get to the airport to take a flight overseas. The person on the other end tells him she is his dead cousin and gives him reasons he should believe this. The caller also tells him not to take the flight he is planning on taking. He misses the flight and it is good he did.

Opening Sentence and Paragraph:
The opening sentences give us a lot of information. It tells us it is Ian’s birthday. The caller is calling at 2 am in the morning on a Wednesday. Ian is a writer.

Characters Development:
We get a sense Ian is in a hurry and he doesn’t like being in a hurry. The caller on the phone is a bit strange, but the story moves fast enough we learn the caller is a ghost soon enough to not get confusing.

Dialogue:
Dialogue is broken with incomplete sentences. It gives us a sense of hurried, interrupted speech. Normally it wouldn’t work but this does.

Punctuation and Structure:
I only found one actual mistake, which is fantastic. The word takeoff is one word. The rest of the errors the computer is trying to point out to me are because of the necessary dialogue in the story.


Closing Statement
I enjoyed reading this. I think if I didn’t know you were bringing a ghost into it, I may have been confused with the broken speech, but it worked. A couple of things come to light after some thought. One, it is happening in modern times. Two, Ian is in his 70’s (he traded lockets with his cousin 60 years prior to the date) Three the cousin died and he’s going to her funeral. I think I have this right. If I don’t please message me and let me know where I am wrong.

Thank you for posting.

Starling


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/25/2021 @ 6:03pm EDT
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