%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4611945 |
 | Sophia's Great Catch  [18+] Will Sophia's marriage last? Inspired by "Cool Anymore ft Julia Michaels" by Jordan Davis  |
| (4.5)| Title: Review: Sophia's Great Catch by The Puppet Master The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful. Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center} Title and Author: Sophia's Great Catch by The Puppet Master In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review: c:black}Your Words: Review comments My Impressions as I read: Editing Suggestions: Plot:: Dylan, Sophie’s husband, gets hit on by a woman who thinks she can make him cheat. Alice, the other woman, tries hard but her efforts to not pay off for her. Opening Sentence and Paragraph: The two main characters are introduced in the first paragraph and they are put in motion. The questions presented to the readers are where are they going and what’s going to happen when they get there. Characters Development: These are two established characters. The story is a character study on marriage fidelity between the two of them. Dialogue: Dialogue is good. You can tell who is talking by the phrases they use. Punctuation and Structure: I found a few small problems and I have indicated them below. Closing Statement It’s not very often you find stories about a man and woman being faithful to each other. Usually one does something and the other begs for forgiveness, sometimes getting it and sometimes not. I have not read the first part of your character’s adventure, but you have let the reader know they still care about each other, Have you studied this dance or did you do research? Thank you for posting. Starling ------------------------------ Dylan and Sophia Nelson married after Dylan saved Sophia's life by pushing her out of the way of an oncoming car. The insurance agent and the swing dance instructor drove to a swing class/dance one autumn evening after leaving the kids with their babysitter. "I can't believe we've been married almost a year already," said Sophia. It's almost our anniversary?! I forgot about it. Good thing she reminded me! What will I do for her? thought Dylan before saying, "I can't believe it either." He pulled into the parking lot. Upon leaving the car he buttoned his suit jacket, and Sophia smoothed the skirt of her 1950's era dress. Upon entering the ballroom, Sophia and her teaching partner ran through the moves they planned to teach that night. Dylan watched from the sideline.(need space)She's so beautiful, he thought. I really got lucky ending up with her. "Now that it's the third week of the class, I think we should introduce the swingout," said her partner, Jack. "I usually don't teach that in beginner classes. It's more of an intermediate move," answered Sophia. "I know, but the sooner the students are exposed to it, the sooner they can master it," said Jack. "We don't have to go too into it. I just want to introduce it to them." He tested the stereo system. "You do have a point," said Sophia. "I figure we can at least touch on it." She tapped on her microphone to make certain it was working. "It's six o'clock," said Jack, looking at his watch. "Time for class." "Welcome to class, everyone," said Sophia. "Leads, go over behind Jack. Follows, come behind me." Sophia and Jack stood in the center of the room, facing each other. The students formed lines behind them. As Dylan took his place behind Jack, Dylan looked to where the follows stood. A rather short brunette in a sailor dress caught his eye. "Leads, choose a follow and then form a circle around us," said Jack. Dylan approached the brunette. "Would you like to dance?" He offered her his hand. "I would love to." She took his hand and smiled, exposing bright white, straight teeth. "First, we are going to review the tuck turn and side pass. Then, we will introduce you to a new move," said Sophia. She and Jack demonstrated the first moves before the class followed suit. "I haven't seen you here before," said Dylan. "I just moved to the area," answered the brunette. "Welcome," said Dylan. "I am Dylan Nelson. What is your name?" "Alice Andersen." She looked up into Dylan's eyes. As Dylan pulled her close in the side pass, he told her, "I love your dress. I'm into nautical stuff." "Thanks, I am too," said Alice. "What is your favorite type of ship?" asked Dylan. "Hmm... I would have to say the 18th-century man of war, but I like all sailing ships." "Time to rotate!" said Sophia. "Leads, move around the circle in a clockwise fashion." "Nice dancing with you," said Dylan before moving to the next follow. Later in the class, after the instructors demonstrated the swingout, Dylan ended up with Alice again. "I already know this move," he told her. "My wife is one of the instructors. She taught me a while ago." "You're married?" asked Alice before letting out a little sigh. "Yes, in fact, our anniversary is coming up. It's a good thing she reminded me about it today, or I would have forgot forgotten and ended up in trouble." Damn! Why are all the hot dudes already taken? (add quote marks to beginning and end of this) thought Alice. The class ended, and the social dance commenced. Sophia approached Dylan to ask him for a dance, but he was already dancing with Alice. The two stayed together for most of the night. Around eleven, the dance ended. Sophia and Dylan went to their car. Before she had even fastened her seat belt, Sophia asked, "Who was that girl you danced with all night?" "Her name is Alice. She just moved here. I enjoyed dancing with her, plus she's pretty." Sophia's eyes widened. "What about me?" she asked, trying not to sound angry. "You're pretty, too," said Dylan. "Apparently not as pretty as her," said Sophia, holding back tears. "I never said that." 'But you think it!" Sophia wiped a tear from her eye. "No, I don't." Dylan and Sophia rode the rest of the way home in silence. The next morning at breakfast, Dylan's phone rang. "Hello?... Oh, hi Alice...no, I'm not busy tonight...yes, I would like that...ok, I will meet you there at seven. See you then." He hung up. "I don't want you going out with that slut!" Sophia slammed her plate on the table. "Chill out, Sophia. It's just a friendly thing. Nothing will come of it," said Dylan. That evening, Sophia watched as Dylan left to meet up with Alice. Why is he paying attention to her and not me? What is wrong with me? Do I need to lose a few pounds? Or wear more makeup? I can't lose my marriage to this whore! (Quote marks at both ends) she thought before crying herself to sleep. In the following weeks, Sophia began a new exercise program. She also started wearing makeup every day instead of just to dances. She curled her long, blonde hair more often and shopped for sexier outfits. "I have to do all this if I want Dylan to stay and not run off with Alice," she told a friend over lunch. "I am sure it's just an innocent friendship between them," said Janet, her friend. "Dylan doesn't seem like the type to cheat." "I can't get the idea out of my head that they are doing something," said Sophia. "I am so obsessed that I am checking his phone every day and deleting her voicemails." "Like he said, you need to relax," said Janet. "The next time he sees her, I will go too and tell her to stay away from my man!" Sophia slammed her fork on the table. A couple of nights later, Alice invited Dylan to her apartment. As he opened the door, Dylan saw that she was wearing a scanty nightgown. "Woah, I don't think I should be here," he said to Alice. "I can't cheat on Sophia." "Come on, you know you want to," whispered Alice. "I can't. I have morals," said Dylan. "I promised to be faithful to Sophia when I married her." He nervously smoothed his hair. "It will be fun," said Alicia. "No! I don't think we should be getting together any more.(one word)" He turned around and went home. A week later, Alice showed up at Dylan and Sophia's door. Sophia heard the doorbell and came downstairs to the door. "What are you doing here?" said Sophia. "I need to explain something to Dylan," said Alice. Dylan came to the door. "You shouldn't be here," he said. "Since you tried to get me to go to bed with you, I realize this isn't a healthy friendship." "You tried to sleep with my husband?!" yelled Sophia. "You can go screw yourself for trying to eff up my marriage! Stay away from him!" She pushed Alice to the ground and slammed the door before locking it. "I knew she was no good," said Sophia. "I really appreciate you respecting our marriage and not screwing with her." "I couldn't do it," said Dylan. "I noticed you've been trying harder to appeal to me since Alice came into the picture. I didn't marry you for your looks. I married you because you're the whole package." "Aww, that's so sweet," said Sophia. "You're already mine. You don't have to try to be hot any more (one word)," said Dylan. They hugged. "Plus, I have a surprise for our anniversary," said Dylan. He handed Sophia a card. Sophia opened the card and found two plane tickets to Paris. "OMG! We're spending our anniversary in Paris?! What about the kids?" "My sister said she would watch them while we're gone," said Dylan. "We will have a week to ourselves." "You're amazing," said Sophia. She kissed her husband. A month later, Dylan and Sophia boarded their plane to Paris. Dylan showed her around the gorgeous city and treated her to romantic dinners every night. They went to the top of the Eiffel Tower, the St Chappelle cathedral, and the Arc de Triomphe. He showed her the place in Notre Dame where Napoleon crowned himself Emperor. After a wondrous week, they headed home and enjoyed their strong marriage for decades.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 05/24/2021 @ 9:56pm EDT