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 Review #4607534 |
| Hi Satuawany  , I'll skip my usual greetings here. You know who I am, and why I'm here? Well, "WYRM"  , of course. Am I completely crazy for doing this again? Possibly, but here we are! My review style is flexible nowadays, and a structured "setting", "characterisation", "plot" sort of thing wasn't working for me. So, please see the below comments in the order of reading the story. When I peeked my head into the application review forum, I didn't know what would be waiting for. I never do. What I wasn't expecting to find was sci-fi, and I've got to say I was pretty delighted when I discovered this. (I'd already read Making a Vampire last time I was a member, so it limited my options a little!). From a title and brief description standpoint, I was intrigued, and this was what immediately started the sci-fi signal off in my head. "The Conference of Worlds" sounds like something from a good space opera, or maybe political sci-fi, I had to see what was going on. The first sentence cements the sci-fi aspect, introducing the reader immediately to an orbital station around Niflyre. I could be way off-base, but my first thought with the name Niflyre is the similarity to Niflheim from Norse myth, immediately invoking feelings of the meaning of the word and its association to mist or fog. Whether you thought about it that deeply or not, I'm not sure. Perhaps I've been too deep into my reading of the Norse myths lately! But, this is something I was already picturing. Then, still in the first sentence, we've got one of your marvellous similes. Forever loving them. "the red light of its special room" - You've previously established that we're in the xenobotany lab. I'm not clear here if the whole room is red, and the seedpod has claimed the whole room for itself, or if the seedpod is in some form of container, and only the container is shining this red light. I think it changes how exactly the room is imagined by the reader, so it'd be good to get some clarity on that front. "pod" - I'm picking this up here, because I noticed it by the second paragraph, but it's definitely a hot word throughout. In fact, a quick search tells me it's used an impressive 25 times. I'm not sure if it's a problem at this stage (paragraph 2), but I've already read the word 3 times. I may come back to this... "threads ticking her palm" - I assume you mean tickling? "It wasn't dangerous, and she and her team had touched" - The and in red feels superfluous to this sentence. Touching some weird alien plant, no matter how dangerous or not, would not be something I'd do, to be honest! Got to say, at this point, I'm fascinated by the seed and what's so special about it. It's green, like your average earth-bound plant, which suggests chlorophyll and photosynthesis, but beyond that, its extra qualities remain to be seen... "As per their orders, we're entering into concurrent orbit around the planet with them, in a safe formation with the other early arrivals. How does the seedpod look?”" - This feels a little bit wordy, "around the planet with them" has the same meaning as "concurrent orbit". Perhaps, "we're entering into concurrent orbit in safe formation...". "Do you believe it safe to harvest? The sooner we get into the Conference" - Again, this seems wordy. I'm trying to decide whether the captain is just a wordy person in general! "Do you believe" could be replaced by "Is". If part of the captain's character is that she says a few words when one will do, then completely ignore me. I am totally one of those people myself! "Weeks of minute adjustments" - So, not only is the plant precious, it's a pain in the ass. Noted! My current feeling is that they have to prove to the conference that they can look after this very difficult to look after plant in order to enter into discussions or be involved with the Conference? "Sighs and emotions didn't transfer via the comm" - I love this detail. The fact that the comm doesn't require speaking out loud, but merely the intent, could lead to interesting things such as this. It's a lovely little detail! "in a red dwarf system" - Ah, the red light! "All they had to do was bring one its fruit to the station" - I think you're missing a word here. "bring one of its fruit." "grant them entrance based on the quality of just one seedpod" - This pod is quite the big deal! What a fascinating way to be granted entrance to liaise with others; to prove that you can nurture something. "The pod tickled her palm" - This is the second time you've referenced the tickling of the palm. Not only that, I find myself slightly surprised that she's handling this with bare hands. No worry about contamination? Either from her to the pod or vice versa? "vine's corpse clung like desiccated veins." - I love me an extended metaphor. Corpse and then veins? Brilliant. "No,” she whispered in horror" - A great moment. Despite only knowing Azura for a few hundred words, the reader can get a sense of that horror, of the realisation of what this could mean. All in the "Azura cupped the precious ticket in both hands, protecting it on its journey to the captain." - Again, my brain may be going into scientist overload mode, but if this was so precious and so sensitive to light, air mixture, soil etc, would transporting it not be best achieved in a sealed, controllable unit? "“It's hairy,” Commander Umphrey said" - Two words and I already don't like this guy. Well done! Azura has something vitally important to everything cupped in her hands, and the best he could come up with is "It's hairy." Says everything I need to know about him, I think! "a bubble of amorphous hazy gas around its spiky golden appendages" - It's frustrating when I read a sci-fi featuring dozens, if not hundreds of alien species, and they all look vaguely human with only the slightest changes. In a story of less than 2,000 words, you've been able to move away from that and introduce something truly alien. Great job! Not only that, but it also has a method of communicating that is anything but what we'd think of as standard. Awesome. "creatures of possible intelligence" - Ok, that had me laughing. "Its sisters only grow into their harvest time after its passage into dryness, and they lose their spines." - I admit, the translation here caught me for a moment, which I think was the point. I had to reread it a few times to grasp its meaning, which proves the point previously made about the translator trying, but not necessarily being perfect at translating movements and gestures into understandable words. It's interesting how this first seed pod, as perfect or imperfect as it may be, was an instant revulsion and no from one species. Perhaps a species that values patience and the pursuit of perfection over getting a job done? The Ngerians must be wholly different and see the value in the work and effort that went into producing this one seedpod, as the representative of this species said. I'm glad that, one way or another, this worked out for them! Got to admit, when the first one freaked out and stormed off, it did have me a little worried! And after the success and she simply shoved it into her pocket, I did laugh. I'm not sure I agree with the course of action. I'd be concerned that the rep would want to show it to others to prove their worthiness or something, but it was an end that brought a smile to my face after the tension of the moment before! Thank you for the entertaining read. I'm always here to dive into any sci-fi! Whether this particular review is successful for entry or not, I'm super ecstatic to a) be reviewing again and b) be able to check in with you. Hope you're doing awesome, Chy! I was so freaking delighted to see a sci-fi from you! Shaye   Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/30/2021 @ 5:24pm EDT