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 Review #4607315 |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good morning, victoryseeker, and I hope it finds you well. In the immortal words of Jim Bishop, "A good writer is not per se, a good book critic any more than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender," but bear with me; I'm going to take a shot anyway (see what I did there?)  .For the record, I am a retired mystery, steampunk, and horror writer who tries to review in a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD PRESENTATION: This aspect deals with the first impression your story makes when a reader clicks on the title. Call it the cosmetics. I'll be looking at abstract items from text density to scene dividers in an effort to ferret out any unfortunate habits that might cause a reader to move on without actually reading anything; before you can dazzle him with your show, you have to get him into the tent!  Everything I see is technically perfect, and deserving of five stars. The look could be improved a little, and I'm going to offer some suggestions for that.First, you've double-spaced your paragraphs. A well-respected technique, and considered quite correct here at WdC, but indentations have a more polished, professional look. You achieve those here by placing {indent} at the beginning of each paragraph. Sounds like a slog, but there's a shortcut button at the top of the creation box that places the command wherever the cursor is. Second is the font. You've used the default provided, and you certainly can't be penalized for that. I'm told that the default font is Arial, but I only half-jokingly call it Times New Eyestrain, as being the old git that I am, I sometimes have to stack two pairs of reading glasses to make it hold still. There are many ways to tweak your text as you'll doubtless discover going forward, for example, this review is in 3.5 Verdana with a line space setting of 1.4. But the quickest way to make your text big, easy to read, and attractive is to put {size:3.5} at the beginning. I think you'll be amazed at the difference it makes. STORY: But those are things that can be fixed with a few mouse clicks. Now we come to the heart of the issue. This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. I will try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination. Let's examine the individual parts of the whole and see what works to make it successful. This is a delightful little tale of fall and redemption, complete and profound in under 300 words. There is nothing to criticize here. The pace, the flow, the sudden change of fortune and uplifting conclusion are all dynamic and captivating. You have a brilliant voice for the miniature story, one that should be shared. That's what I'll be doing on my new blog, "Invalid Item" , as soon as I finish this review. This story deserves to be read, and maybe I can help you get a few fresh eyes on it. Really well-done.MECHANICS: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing as a writer is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Errors in spelling and grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues, use of words inconsistent with their actual meanings, all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. There are no glaring mistakes that make this hard to read, and I will make no deduction here, which is amazing in itself; most stories I review fall hard on this particular point, and I want you to understand how exceptional this is. I commend you on your proofreading skills. But I do have a question, if you could educate me:I read in your bio that you are British, and I have long known that British English isn't the same as American English. My question is this: I see that every instance, you have placed the dialogue comma outside the quotation marks as in this example: “And I know you’re worth more than this place”, he continued. In American usage, they are placed inside, thus: “And I know you’re worth more than this place,” he continued. Is the way you've done it standard British usage? Is it an option? It's never seen that way in US literature, and it's just a gap in my understanding that I'd like to fill in. CHARACTERS: This section discusses all aspects of the characters, the way they look, act, and talk, as well as the development and presentation of backstory. Allow me to present "Tyler's Axiom:" Characters are fiction. Rich, multifaceted characters with compelling backstories will seize the reader in a grip that will not be denied, and drag him into their narrative, because he can't abide the thought of not knowing what will happen to them. Conversely, lazy, shallow stereotypes will ruin any story regardless of its other qualities, because the reader will be unable to answer the second question of fiction: Why do I care? The interaction between Frank and your unnamed narrator is the beating heart of this story, and they are handled brilliantly. Telling such a deep story that spans years in a space this small is a form of magic that would awe Penn and Teller themselves. I don't have a lot to say here, but what I do have is to express great admiration. Writing a novel is easy in the sense that if you write 80,000 words, and it isn't quite finished, you write 10,000 more. When someone tells you to deliver a story in 300 words or less, the difficulty is more than I'd care to try. Every word must be examined for relevance, every item you describe evaluated for what it brings to the story. You rarely see perfection at this level, and I stand in awe at your skill.SETTINGS: This section deals with the locations you've established for your action, the ways in which they affect that action, and your ability to describe them clearly and concisely. You could say that this aspect answers (or fails to answer) the first question of fiction, What's going on here? Setting can be used to challenge a character, to highlight a skill or quality, to set the mood of a scene without overtly saying a single thing about it, and a host of lesser impacts too numerous to mention. You might think of it as a print artist's equivalent of a movie's "mood music," always important yet never intrusive. All in all, a pretty big deal, then. So how did you do? Similarly to characters, in a work this short, anything you describe must be weighed against what it brings to the story. You couldn't include much, but it was quite enough to trigger the reader's imagination. As soon as I read One drafty old joint, with a couple of dozen slot machines, nothing to be proud of, my mind went back to the bare-plank burger joints and boardwalk-front bars from the little California beach town where I grew up. As soon as it conjured up the slots around the walls, I had it. Maybe not what you envisioned, but it was comfortable and familiar, and made a great setting. This is how it's done.SUMMARY: What else could it be but five stars? But I've covered the reasons for that in detail; I want to bring up something else for you to consider.Write your novel! It's plainly got its teeth into you, given that you've used its title as your handle. If it's the mechanical skill that's holding you up, there are plenty of ways to acquire that. You must first identify what sort of writer you are. If you need to work from a plan, there are scores of how-to books. I require a detailed outline, and I found my mentor in Evan Marshall's The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing. If you need something with a bit less discipline, there are many that will show you how to set up looser outlines in many ways, from wall-size storyboards to a stack of index cards. If you're a "pantser" who works without a net, there are books that show you the basic structure of a novel, the three-act format, the rising tension, incorporating plot twists, but without locking you into a formal outline. The point is that all these aids are out there. Find the one that works for you, and get busy. You'll only regret it if you never do it! And a footnote: If you do find that you're a planner, never listen to those pantsers who say that because you've written an outline, you have no imagination... and they're out there, make no mistake. The point is that you didn't pick that outline off a tree, you wrote it from your own imagination. Anyway, we all outline. Some of us call our outlines "first drafts." I hope that I have presented my opinions in a way that is constructive, and that you will find helpful to your endeavors going forward. It is never my intention to belittle anyone's efforts or discourage them from following the dream that I have found so fulfilling for the last six decades. In any case, if I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and/or beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one! ** Image ID #2234836 Unavailable ** As a member with some experience here, allow me to offer you some links you may find helpful. First and foremost has to be
Second is
Finally, I don't operate a group, but I'm a member of a good one, and I recommend a visit soon.
Looking forward to seeing you around the site!  blimprider My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/25/2021 @ 8:12am EDT