%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4606595 |
| (5.0)  Greetings, Sumojo! I am reviewing this because I am part of "Merit Badge Exchange" .  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.What I Liked  I was mesmerized by this excellent piece of writing, Sue! Simply captivated! It's highly impressive. The sequencing of your story, beginning with George, the retired coal miner from 1950 Derbyshire, and onto one of the few things he had left to enjoy--the pigeons (specifically Sweetheart) glides the reader through without a bump! I loved everything about this piece! Your descriptions, imagery, phrases, all drew me in. My absolute favorite:Removing his tobacco tin from his waistcoat pocket, he began to fill the bowl of his pipe, tamping it down with a stained thumb. He struck a match and sucked hard until the tobacco glowed red. Sue, this is magnificent writing. I could praise you all day on this! Suggestions to Consider (Just a few, hardly-worth-mentioning) a bird he called, Sweetheart.  a bird he called Sweetheart. Since you are not addressing the bird, I don't think you need a comma here. this then pin-pricks You briefly switched to present tense here.  Final Thoughts This is certainly top-notch writing! I hope you do something with this, because you should. I'm serious! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You responded to this review 04/19/2021 @ 8:57pm EDT