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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4605099
Review #4605099
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         Review for entry/chapter: "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review of The Kiwi Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: GC | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Elle Author IconMail Icon,

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window., and it is the first of the reviews from your auction package win.

Please note these opinions are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

I'll be honest, my intention was to find a couple of your poems to review. But when I looked in your portfolio, this piece jumped out at me. I can't say why; it just did. And, I'm so glad it did. In 129 words, you show a heartbreaking portrait of a boy who is desperate for things to change, whilst at the same time knowing they won't.

Your characterisation is clear and it grabbed me from the very first word. I think you are showing us a little boy who has gone from foster home to foster home so many times that he now doesn't make any effort to become one of the household. Because he knows the story will end with the family rejecting him. So, what's the point in believing in the happy-ever-after? He has given up hope, and it is absolutely heartbreaking to read.

Just to reiterate ... you have done a fantastic job with so few words. I don't think anyone could have written this character any better if they had 1000 words with which to do it.

The part that really breaks my heart is where the boy says he would rather believe in horror stories than fairy tales because horror stories speak the truth. That idea that he understands the pain of false hope at such a young age is really sad.

My favourite part is: "But I have learned that nightmares aren’t tethered to one bed, to one room, to one house." Again, for him to have learned this at such a young age is tragic. I love the way you phrased this. It really resonates with me.

I've tried to think of some helpful advice, but I have none. This is perfect. I am supremely envious of your talent for writing micro fiction. I'm terrible at keeping it brief!

Great writing, Elle.

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] . Image for my Blue Ribbon Reviewers promotion.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/06/2021 @ 10:53pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4605099