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 Review #4602978 |
 | The Bides of Lirr  [E] Stone Punk, Eco Sci-Fi  |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good morning, A Cassandra. , and I hope it finds you well. In the immortal words of Jim Bishop, "A good writer is not per se, a good book critic any more than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender," but bear with me; I'm going to take a shot anyway (see what I did there?)  .You know me, but as a reminder, my real name is Jack Tyler, and I am a retired mystery, steampunk, and horror writer who tries to review in a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. You will have recognized parts of my template by now, but I view it as useless in this situation for reasons that will become apparent. First and foremost, this reads like the backstory notes you would need as a writer to write the fiction based on this society, so there is no purpose to writing a detailed critique on them. I'm considered out on the fringe when it comes to planning my stories; hell, I outline my outlines. I write by hand, and some of the passages are barely legible, rambling, with arrows up and down the margins, footnotes, you name it. My point is that there are no right or wrong ways to write author notes. All that matters is that they lead to a quality story. That said, I will offer some opinions. First, the piece is riddled with typos, none of which matter in an author's private notes that will never be seen on the page, but some of them gave me a chuckle. Take, for example, The Bide's ancestress were hunted by several predictors... An ancestress would be a single female ancestor, and hunted by "predictors?" Of what, cancer, diabetes, bad breath? I assume you meant "The Bide's ancestors were hunted by several predators," but none of this matters, as the author is presumably the only person who would see these notes. A much more serious problem, for me, is the physical layout of the Bides themselves. I don't believe that most readers, even in the punk genres, will be able to identify with an eight-appendaged creature with sensors around its body that communicates through inflating a strip of skin around its waist. This could be a fine secondary character, or even the main protagonist, but for the most part, people want to read about people. Stories about dogs, cats, and birds, familiar and beloved pets all, certainly have their followers, but IMO, an everyday reader would have trouble figuring out which end of this thing goes in front. A word about names: No matter what sort of being populates your story, the names need to be somewhat easy for the language of your target audience to pronounce, and distinct from one another so that those readers can readily recognize who they're reading about; making your heroine Jane, and her nemisis Jean, for example, will cause untold confusion to your readers, and readers as a rule don't like confusion. One more point is to vet what your names may mean to other people. I wouldn't expect an Englishman to be aware, for example, that here in the American southwest, "Mex" is a mildly derogatory term for a Mexican. It certainly isn't as vitriolic as "Spic" or "Wetback," but if you're writing for an English-speaking audience, this is an issue in the U.S., obviously an English-speaking country, and readers will be aware of it. Fortunately, here in the age of the internet, we can just Google "Mex," and read all the definitions. Just a pitfall to watch for that can kill a budding career, and the author may never even know why. So in summary, I'm going with four stars here. As I said, typos don't matter in an outline, but a half-star for an unrelatable society, and a half-star for some of the names leaves us with four. Know, of course, that all of this is simply the opinion of one writer who sees things through his own filters. I applaud your courage in exposing your work to the slings and arrows of outrageous reviewers, and most humbly thank you for even asking my opinion. I hope what I have provided will prove to be of some help to you. Finally, I know your bio says that you hate writing, and you suggest that someone else might take your idea and run with it, but I want to make you aware of the fact that I will be teaching a steampunk course beginning on April 1st. Here's the info:
Should you think it interesting, tuition assistance is available for newer members who haven't yet built up their GP supply. No pressure, though, just offering the information. Thank you for sharing, and I'm sure we'll meet again around here. All the best! ** Image ID #2234836 Unavailable **  Jack My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/19/2021 @ 1:10pm EDT