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 Review #4602210 |
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  Greetings, Elfin Dragon-finally published, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest " . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Very clean and neat. Nice font for easy reading. Easy to understand Yes, very clear. Followed the prompt Yes Internal Conflict Milo, the stuffed bear, is concerned about what's going on, why Tony hasn't been around for a few days and why is he in a cargo trunk? Are they moving? Or is he being sent to a recycle bin? Characters: Milo the stuffed bear and Jeffery the stuffed giraffe are the two main characters, and the boy Tony, towards the end. Dialogue: Lots of good dialogue Setting: Mostly in the cargo trunk Technicalities: taken to recycle bin --> taken to [a] recycle bin Just forgot "a".   and they were the only thing left. Tony came running into the room. --> and they were the only thing left[,] Tony came running into the room.  If Tony could have seen, or heard, his stuffed animals he would have seen them with large smiles and tears in their eyes. --> If Tony could have seen, or heard, his stuffed animals he would have [noticed the] large smiles and tears in their eyes. Not sure if you need the word heard in this sentence since smiles and tears are visual. Unless you are referring to the stuffed animals talking earlier.  I also replaced seen with noticed so it wasn't repetitious, but it's only an example to consider. Favorite: "What is it, Milo?" Jeffrey responded without looking at him. I loved this visual of the two stuffed animals.   Final thoughts: You've included some really nice visuals in this piece! I love the name Milo, too.  This is a very sweet story that shows the stuffed animal's side of moving, not the child's. I could imagine this as a picture book for kids. There is plenty of imagery throughout for illustrations. Good work! I really liked this!Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 03/15/2021 @ 11:16am EDT