*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4597364
Review #4597364
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item  []

by A Guest Visitor
Review of Where I Belong  
Review by Cubboo! (22!)
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Elfin Dragon-finally published! I am reviewing this because I am part of "Merit Badge Exchange. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* The first two lines are fantastic:

                   I stand at the edge of a sea,
                   where no water greets me.


         *Bullet* And this... A new scent assails me.

         *Bullet* I like that your stanzas are simple but rich with imagery.


Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* Did you switch from present tense to past tense part way through this? As I reread this piece, I imagined it all in present tense and thought perhaps you might consider it. *Smile* It makes the reader feel as if it's happening right now and eerily enough, I could feel the sinking and the rising. But that, of course, is entirely up to you. *Smile*

         *Bullet* I don't know how you feel about uncapping the beginning of some of your lines (the ones that are a continuation of the line above it.) It's a matter of preference, I suppose, but thought it worth mentioning. I noticed you did this for some, though not others. Here's one example:

                   For upon the stone was etched
                   My name and date of death.

                   [option]
                   For upon the stone was etched
                   my name and date of death.


Final Thoughts

         I like this piece very much. You've done a great job with your visuals. I felt as if I were there myself!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Animated WDC Angel Signature for Premium Members

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/15/2021 @ 6:29pm EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4597364