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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4597320
Review #4597320
Viewing a review of:
 Digital Valentine   [E]
A new idea for digital cards
by bas
Review by Cubboo! (22!)
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, bas! I am reviewing this because I am part of "Merit Badge Exchange. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* I don't really know how something like a digitalized greeting card would go over, but since we both had the very same idea (I wrote something similar for the contest), perhaps others do, too. Perhaps we should put a patent on it! *Whistle*

         *Bullet* I loved the ending. *Laugh* Yep, always check with the approval of the wife first. *Wink*

Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* You might want to scan through this piece and perhaps polish it off here and there. I noticed a few punctuation typos, such as:

in our times , that was true love” *Right* in our times[,] that was true love[.]” I've made the recommendations in [ ].

“Well Love is in the air now too, but I guess in a different way. *Right* “Well[,] [l]ove is in the air now too, but I guess in a different way.["]

then take the trouble of going to the shop and buying a card” *Right* th[a]n take the trouble of going to the shop and buying a card[.]”
“Well, I can’t contradict that,so I say we change our approach too

“Well, I can’t contradict that,so I say we change our approach too*Right* “Well, I can’t contradict that,[space]so I say we change our approach[,] too[."]

I won't keep picking out punctuation typos, but I'm sure you get the drift. *Smile* Chances are, you haven't edited this yet. *Wink* I've noticed especially at the end of most of your dialogue, you have left out punctuation.

         *Bullet* “And how do you plant to do that” *Right* “And how do you [plan] to do that[?]”

         *Bullet* “Do you have any idea who expensive the card is going to be” *Right* “Do you have any idea [how] expensive the card is going to be[?]”

And also, lets should be a contraction --> let's

Final Thoughts

         Wow, great minds think alike! While your story is a little different than mine, there's so much that is similar! Maybe there's something to that idea! *Idea* Also, if you go back and polish this piece off, let me know and I'll be happy to raise the rating! *Smile*

Best of luck in the contest!

Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/16/2021 @ 4:19am EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4597320