The Unexpected Event [13+] A woman watches herself in a diner from outside, looking through the eyes of another woman |
Hi Angel - This is a review for the
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them! Overall Impression: A great first draft and excellent use of the prompt! With a only a little flushing out it will be a wonderful short story. Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider: 1. In this section - Eileen realised was standing by - you may want to insert "she" before "was". 2. In this section - ‘I phoning you about - you may want to change "I" to "I'm". Readability: I love that you gave both women's perspective it gave the story more depth. For me it would make it a lot easier to differentiate between the two women if you used a different line break instead of just a space, like a dotted or solid line. Suggestions: In this section - preventing it from being expelled across the counter - it sounds like the cup wants to vomit that coffee , you may want to use "spilled" instead. Write on! Thanks much, Lovina Your work was rated using the guidelines from:
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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