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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4594527
Review #4594527
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by Cubboo! (22!)
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, hbk16! I am reviewing this because I am part of "Merit Badge Exchange. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* A pink shirt molded her torso ~ Great description!
         *Bullet* She inhaled the fresh air and exhaled air that was trapped in her lungs many years ago. I really liked this.
         *Bullet* You do well with visuals! I can vividly picture this young woman in the scanerio you have provided. *Smile*

Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* Almost asleep *Right* barely awake You might want to consider this change as she has just woken up, not going to sleep. *Smile*
         *Bullet* her wardrobe *Right* in her wardrobe You just forgot a word. *Wink*
         *Bullet* With hazardous gesture she wore her denim trousers *Right* Not sure what you mean by hazardous gesture.
         *Bullet* in her old black bag already bought when she was a student. *Right* in her old black bag she'd bought when she was a student.
         *Bullet* that was trapped in her lungs many years ago. *Right* that had been trapped in her lungs many years ago.
         *Bullet* and left with an immense relief the locality forever. *Right* and left the locality forever with an immense relief.


Final Thoughts

         I know that English isn't your first language and I hope you see my suggestions purely as being helpful. *Smile* I've enjoyed your stories and poems in the past and feel you write well for this reason. Keep up the good work and stay safe!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/30/2021 @ 3:17pm EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4594527