%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4594527 |
 Greetings, hbk16! I am reviewing this because I am part of "Merit Badge Exchange"  .  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.What I Liked  A pink shirt molded her torso ~ Great description! She inhaled the fresh air and exhaled air that was trapped in her lungs many years ago. I really liked this. You do well with visuals! I can vividly picture this young woman in the scanerio you have provided. Suggestions to Consider Almost asleep  barely awake You might want to consider this change as she has just woken up, not going to sleep. her wardrobe in her wardrobe You just forgot a word.  With hazardous gesture she wore her denim trousers Not sure what you mean by hazardous gesture. in her old black bag already bought when she was a student. in her old black bag she'd bought when she was a student. that was trapped in her lungs many years ago. that had been trapped in her lungs many years ago. and left with an immense relief the locality forever. and left the locality forever with an immense relief. Final Thoughts I know that English isn't your first language and I hope you see my suggestions purely as being helpful. I've enjoyed your stories and poems in the past and feel you write well for this reason. Keep up the good work and stay safe!Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 01/30/2021 @ 3:17pm EST