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 Review #4590862 |
  Greetings, hbk16, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest "  . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Easy to understand Followed the prompt & rules Plot / Internal Conflict / Goal: Kate has forgotten her pen for the exam and asks Caroline if she may borrow one of her two pens. Caroline refuses and now it's time for the test to begin... Characters: Kate, Caroline, Susan, Lili the teacher, cow-Santa Dialogue: Yes, good dialogue. Setting: This story takes place in a classroom where exams are about to start. It later takes place at the school feast where the awards have been handed out. Technicalities: There are some punctuation issues here and there that you might consider changing.  For instance, in the second paragraph: "Why aren't you responding to the questions. "You are a studious student". The second quotation should be omitted and replaced with a question mark. Also, the ending period should be placed within the quotation. "Why aren't you responding to the questions? You are a studious student." In your second-to-last paragraph: "People cannot live without helpfulness", She adds. Again, the comma should be placed inside the quotation mark. The S in she does not need to be capitalized. "People cannot live without helpfulness," she adds. It is the same for the line after that one, too. Favorites: I believe I liked your dialogue best of all. It felt like a real conversation and situation classmates might have. Good job with that! Final thoughts: I was a little confused about Santa being masked as a cow towards the end of your story. I know the prompt was a cow with a Santa hat, but perhaps you could add more of an explanation about it. And why does Santa insist that Kate be in the picture with Caroline? Other than that and a few typos, it was an entertaining story. I'm so glad Kate's teacher let her borrow a pen. Caroline had a mean-moment but in the end, felt bad about it.Thank you for entering this contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 01/16/2021 @ 1:08am EST