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 Review #4583750 |
  Greetings, bobturn, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest "  .October's Prompt: In 750 words or less, write a children's story inspired by the jack-o-lantern picture prompt.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Easy to understand Followed the prompt Plot / Internal Conflict / Goal: Seven year old Jackie is staying with his grandmom while his parents are in the city readying a place for Jackie and them to live. Grandmom had hoped they would all live there in the country because if they moved to the city, she wouldn't be able to leave the farm much to visit as she had to take care of it. While Jackie stays, he gets to pick out a pumpkin for three nights in a row and carve them into jack-o-lanterns. In the meanwhile, he asks a lot of questions in which his grandmother likes to say, "Love is the answer" or similar phrases of love. Jackie loves his grandmom very much as she loves him. It's clear they will both miss each other dearly. Characters: I enjoyed the relationship between Grandmom and Jackie.  Jackie's character is true to form--a seven year old boy who asks lots of questions!   Dialogue: You have a nice balance of dialogue and narration. Your dialogue flows nicely (as does your narration.) Setting: I loved your setting at the beginning of this story. It was a great visual of a ripening pumpkin patch, fall colors, rustling cornstalks, and a grandmother leaning on her garden shovel, slightly out of breath, listening to the questions of a seven year old grandson.  Beautifully written. Technicalities: Just a few comments here: When addressing someone, you might consider capping the first letter of mom and grandmom under these circumstances. One example, for instance, is “Is that all right, mom?”  “Is that all right, Mom?” I felt this was just a tad confusing: Do Jack-O-Lantern’s go to heaven? I wish we didn’t before going there. Why do we have to? Perhaps if you had the word die, it might clear it up? Do Jack-O-Lantern’s go to heaven? I wish we didn’t die before going there. Why do we have to? It's up to you, however.  Technically, this isn't wrong: Lesson learned. But as the final words to the story, I wonder if perhaps Grandmom was right. might soften it up a bit. Up to you, though!  Favorites: The oldster leaned on her garden shovel to catch her breath. The field of pumpkins, ripe for harvest, made a colorful autumn picture of peace and plenty. Corn husks rustled at each other. The crisp, cool air was sharp with the scent of falling leaves of every color. Final thoughts: What a sweet story about a little boy and his grandmother which includes a woven message of love guiding the way. I loved how everything worked out in the end. Nice entry, Bob! I always enjoy your stories.Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 11/24/2020 @ 3:54pm EST