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 Review #4582371 |
 Greetings, Sumojo! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write in 2020"  .  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Easy to understandDid the plot interest me? It certainly did!  I love coffee, so this definitely got my attention! Even the beans that had already been bought had turned to sludge. And poor ninety-year-old Mum, who became easily confused, but loved her coffee! What would she do now? Lo and behold! Mable did just fine! In fact, her memory improved and she'd even taken the bus to go get her hair done! Frank and Marion couldn't figure it out! And I must say, Sue, you had me grinning from ear to ear when I finished this up! Never for a moment had I suspected that!  Bravo!Were the characters believable? Yes, Marion and Frank were a believable couple. I liked how they exchanged glances, which was a great visual. Also, Mable was a great character! I could actually see these three characters in future stories! Did the dialog flow naturally? Excellent dialogue. In fact, most of it was dialogue and it kept the story rolling at the perfect pace, setting the reader up for the ending.  How did the writing make m feel? Did it invoke any emotions? In all honesty, I could see how this might happen! It was very realistic so I could connect. I've had some experiences with the elderly whose minds weren't all the way there, so it brought me back to thinking about them in some comical situations. As this was a comedy, I had no sad feelings at all. Is there anything I would change within the writing? There are just a few areas that need tweaking as far as punctuation, but that's it! Otherwise, I would not change a single other thing! Line 1: sort.” Marion told her husband. (use a comma after sort instead of a period.) Line 5: happening.” Frank said. (use a comma after happening instead of a period.) Line 6: Marion paused, “she won’t (Replace the comma with a period and capitalize the s in she.) Line 7: “I’ll see her (You don't need the quotation here as you already have one at the beginning of this dialogue.) Line 24: my memory. (You need a quotation mark at the end of this line.) What did I like most? Of course I absolutely loved the last line! It still makes me smile, just thinking about it. All I can think of it there must be a lot of collagen in bone and that's what helped her out.  This is a great piece, Sue! I'm so glad I got the chance to read and review it! Best of luck in the contest! I'd bet you have a good chance of winning! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 11/15/2020 @ 9:11am EST