Hi K5Rakitan ,
I just finished reading "Kaiba's Prostitute - Part 11" , and would like to share my thoughts. At your request I am offering this review of these chapters. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Keep in mind that these are my thoughts from reading your work. Please use anything you find useful and discard the rest. I am learning more from your writing than I could ever share. Thank you for sharing!

Overall Impression:
I just can't say enough good here. I love reading this story including the previous chapters. It is riveting.


Setting:


Plot:
I'm excited to find out more about the magic ring. The way you moved the story forward from a simple relationship situation into a whole different realm over the last few chapters has been great!.

Conflict:
Through these chapters there hasn't been much conflict with people in general. The conflict has been with that ring and learning how it works, and the fact that it messes with everyone involved no matter how far away they are. The phone calls and texts after activating it is well done. It brings in the characters that would otherwise be missing and shows the power.


Flow:
The story from beginning to now has had a great forward movement. I did run into a spot where things got a bit confusing for me. Near the beginning of Chapter 52 there is a line that says, "This gave Joan an idea." I was not able to follow after what the idea was. I had assumed it had to do with the Native American exhibit or Dimitri's office since the movement included those locations. I may have been fuzzy brained, but I did get lost wondering what the idea was.

Grammar and Mechanics:
As always, this area is spot on perfect!

Suggestions:
Just re-checking chapter 52 near the idea I mentioned. Other than that the flow, dialogue, and everything continues to play out very well!

Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

For more information on how the rating systems work, please read "Comment-In-A-Box" 

William Stafford




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .