Dear dawndaily – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Invalid Item"  and thought I would give your story a bit of a review.
 
  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
The story opens with amazing concrete detail to spur on the imagination. While it is just the beginning of a much larger piece, the action, characters and scene is quite compelling.
 
  THEME
 
The magic that is boy/girl relationship takes off with a rocky foundation. What will a trip to the lake actually resolve? Well...we will have to wait to find out.
 
  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told in the first person in narrative style from the protagonist’s point of view. The pace is swift, graphic and to the point, with just a bit of mystery. The imagery really works well with my imagination. I wish that more was written to satisfy my curiosity but on the other hand I am writing my own version of the story in my head.
 
  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was a well written opening scene and this was one of my favorite moments:

I leaned on the brick wall, scoping the situation. My body felt strange. I felt like I was an outsider in a movie, just a background character. And Extra stooping next to the company dumpster.

 
Watching something that is just barely comprehensible can be treated a number of ways. I like how the main character finds a posture that is all too familiar to me. That it draws one closer to a questionable relationship is a great hook to keep me reading with great expectation.
 
  SUGGESTIONS
 
I was immediately drawn into your story mainly because of the great detail put into describing each progression of this opening scene. I can hardly wait to get to the lake! All this story needs? More!!

  IN SUMMARY
 
"Invalid Item"  is the opening scene of a much larger story. The imagery is vivid and while not a “beautiful” scene, everything about it compels me to want to know more about everyone in the story. Well Done! Write On!
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫
 

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