Dear simi – Welcome to Writing.com. I am glad you are a part of this amazing writing community now. I enjoyed reading "Truly, My First Love!"  and thought I would give your story a bit of a review.
 
  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
What a diary! The memories from the entries spring to life in this charming narrative about a young girl’s crush on a “great looking guy with the dimples.” She being from an orthodox family and shy could only crush on guys from a long way away, but this guy was different. Six months later the crush is still going on…joy of joys! What O diary did the poor girl do to get through the agony of unrequited love? O but it is a fit-filled tale of emotion and anxiety, with just a few close encounters. The author asks, what should she have done? The story is a glimpse into a culture where certain morality barriers exist and parents still hold sway over their children. So, the question is one of cultural distinction really. Is the daughter bound to the direction of her father when it comes to beginning a pre-marital relationship? If so, should the girl consider the wants and desires of her father? That’s beyond the American concepts altogether, but not unheard of in the many nations that are now emigrating to America.
 
  THEME
 
A girl, a young woman really, enjoys the anxiety and pains of a crush that will not go away after two years. A diary reminds her of the many challenges she has had to endure during this crush. And at the same time gives a very detailed psychological profile of one who lives at a distance from any serious prospect of a marital relationship, and the fear that keeps one in one’s head instead of acting on the feelings that are experienced. This is not everybody’s kind of narrative. But I enjoyed it a lot.
 
  STRUCTURE
 
The story is told in narrative from the first person perspective. It tells in great detail what is happening in the young woman’s mind as she can’t seem to get on the other side of a desperate crush.

 
  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
Your story is filled with many delightful moments and this was one of my favorites:

After I realized I needed to look at my neighbors once in a while not only my system else I would miss the pleasant smiles like every morning sunshine, I started glancing at his desk every morning on my way to my desk but he used to be soo much into his system but I was still happy for I could see my sunshine whenever I want.

 
Does the universe ever give us a clue as to who we should be in relationship with? This is the paragraph that says “Yes! Yes the universe does give us a clue! Wake Up!” The man obviously is the woman’s sun. No way can she ignore his presence now, because he is so near. What are the odds that one who we are so attracted too would be parked just a few feet away and for six months we get to enjoy that closeness? But at the same time, we are human, and there are internal barriers that just keep us watching from afar. I had a few of those myself. Painful. On the other hand I had a few I acted on and they were twenty times more painful. Life, right?
 
  SUGGESTIONS
 
There are quite a few grammatical corrections that need to be made. But on the other hand I found the English grammar struggles charming and it seemed to give the piece an extra depth of meaning and passion somehow. Because the story is told in the first person the narrative style works, but even so some additional interest in the story could be gained by “showing” more of the story – in the third paragraph for instance, you could show your readers a direct engagement with one of your new co-workers. We could see their smiling face as they met you or the lilt in their happy voice as they greeted you. Just a thought.

  IN SUMMARY
 
"Truly, My First Love!"  is the recollection of the main character's first love. What it felt like and the journey that she was on to grow closer to the boy, but from a great distance, shielding her heart from a possible love relationship and the disappointment of her parents. In the story, the author reveals the deep emotional trials she experienced in not giving herself over to the leading of her heart. She asks – “what should I have done…?” The answer is easy for me, because I grew up in North America in the 1960’s when a girl did not ever make the first move. Well…except for sometimes. But my love waited for me to ask her out. She did not initiate our first chat. I did. So I would say, given your orthodox upbringing, you did the right thing. Mind you, a thousand feminists from that same era in America, standing right behind me now, would scream: “Nooooo!” I enjoyed your story very much and I wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing your gift.
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

♫~ Kenword~♫
 

You responded to this review 04/09/2020 @ 1:40am EDT

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