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Review #4536612
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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.0)
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Hello there, Shannon!
As a reader, writer, lover and judge of horror, I thought this was good for your very first piece on here!
First off, I love how you built up the suspense in this, and writing it in the first person only adds to the fear factor. I get the feeling that your MC (main character, being you!) is young and spending the night outside close to their house, with a small wooded area close by. That's just my own interpretation, but the main point is your dream came to fruition.
I always like to say that yes, dreams CAN come true! And sometimes so can NIGHTMARES! *Smirk2*
You did a nice job with the descriptions, and the spelling and grammar was flawless (thank you!). And I know you wrote this off the top of your head, more or less, but it had a lot more telling than showing. I think if you added a couple of similes and/or metaphors in this it could be a little better.
Here's a link on showing vs. telling if you'd like to check it out: ""Telling" Vs. "Showing" - Part 1" Open in new Window.
Otherwise, great job!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Shannon! Thanks for sharing this, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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