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 Review #4532476 |
| Greetings, Chynniah! Welcome to this wondrous writing community, and to "The Poet's Place "  group, in particular. You are off to a fantastic start by populating your port with so many items and finding your way around to some of the various activities available on this vast site during your first week among us.The following observations are offered in response to your request made on "~ The Poet's Place Cafe~" discussion forum, but they are nothing more than one man's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.TITLE: The title of this poem invites the prospective reader to witness the transition of a relationship from friendship to love. Something about that word "for" in the title just does not sound natural. The word "to" would generate a sense of motion. FORM & STRUCTURE: The pattern of quatrains (four-line stanzas) provides a solid framework upon which to drape the word pictures you are painting. The stanza breaks give your reader a chance to absorb each circumstance more completely before moving along to the next. The consistency in the stanza structure projects a tone of orderly contemplation, whereas the irregular line structures, ranging from eight to fifteen syllables in no particular pattern, creates a sense of anxious agitation, which does not seem compatible with your narrative describing a smooth transition from friendship to love. IMAGERY: Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader. In this case, "Tons of people," "friendship," and "relationship" are abstract concepts with which the reader finds it difficult to connect. I believe you could strengthen your audience's engagement with this experience by replacing those and other generic terms with distinct sensory details, as Robert Frost did in his poem The Need of Being Versed in Country Things: https://poets.org/poem/need-being-versed-country-things . POETIC TECHNIQUE: If done well, rhyming can be pleasing to the ear and fun to create, testing the wit and ingenuity of the poet. It can also serve as an audible echo or resonance for emphasis. Additionally, rhyming can be an organizing device to create zones of similarity for your poems and linkage to connect different thoughts. While your rhymes are executed without distortion of the language in order to maintain the established pattern, the mixing of perfect and imperfect rhymes ( https://www.masterclass.com/articles/perfect-vs-imperfect-rhymes#what-is-a-perfe... ) hinders development of a rhythmic expression to match your narrator's fervent declaration. Poetry is all about distilling expression to its barest essence by employing various techniques arranged in a manner that maximizes specific effects. Just as the conductor of a symphony orchestra controls the tempo and power of the music with a delicate nuance, a poet guides the pace and force of the poem by manipulating sounds through word selection and arrangement. I believe you could enhance the lyrical quality of this composition by trimming some of the longer lines and tinkering with the arrangement of phrases. OVERALL IMPRESSION: You have achieved the most important step in this process by capturing your thoughts on paper before they can fly away like fireflies in the night. In that effort, you have excavated a golden nugget from the depths of your imagination. Keep polishing this nugget to maximize the effects and transform it into the magnificent jewel it can be. Let the creativity flow from your soul!  Dave "The Poet's Place "  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 10/29/2020 @ 9:15pm EDT