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What Caught My Eye

This sounds like more of a personal writing (like a blog/journal) than a story with a plot or a poem. So... that caught my attention.

Favorite Aspects

It sounds honest and authentic... which adds to the journal vibe.

Hook

I can't say that I was really hooked by your opening. The first line is sort of neutral... Lots happens in a teen's life. And then... you don't tell us any of those things that happen. I think some specifics would have been more of a hook, but there's nothing wrong with the direction you took it.

Language / Word Choice

The language is very conversational, which makes sense too for the piece.

There are some things that could be stronger with a bit of revision: "and never do anything like mistakes", for instance, is a bit awkward.

There are similar moments throughout that could be smoother.

Consistency

This is consistent in voice, language, and many other factors. Actually, it's so consistent that it feels very repetitive by the end. Maybe some trimming could help.

Voice

I do really like the voice.

Emotiveness

It reads like you got emotion on the page but nothing to pull emotion from the reader.

Technical

It could use a little revision for grammar too.

Effect

Overall, as a piece of writing, this has pros and cons. You expressed yourself pretty clearly, but the writing itself is a bit shaky at times. It reads as a personal piece that isn't meant to have readers. Since it's open for review, I assume that you want other people as an audience, right? It could be more effective for them/me. I imagine it's a first draft, which means lots of room for improvement. Good luck with any revisions!

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Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party  (NPL) January 2020 Review Activity - Review and be Rewarded! #2208950 by Brooke

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .