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Given: May 15, 2019 at 11:10pm
Length: 1,289 Characters |
1,107 w/o WritingML
Hello, Mastiff
I'm sending this review as part of I Write in 2019
My Impression
This is an interesting story. I am not familiar with this song, so reading the lyrics really helped here. The story goes along with it really well. I am also participating in this challenge, so it was nice getting to read another contestant's piece. The ending of this story was great. Good luck in the challenge!
Suggestions
I would recommend embedding a youtube video of the song at the bottom of this entry. If you don't know how to do that, you do this: {embed:insert youtube url here}
Grammar/Punctuation/Usage
In this sentence: "Besides! Everything in it -- except the vodka -- is good for you." I'm confused why there is an exclammation mark after "besides."
And here: "It turned out he had another women to find," it should be "woman"
"so I just followed and looked at the displays, knowing we'd end up on a deck overlooking the bass boat showroom." I'm confused. I thought they were at a bar. Now they're at a boat showroom?
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